One Door Away

Chapter 13

'Party at Delta Sigma Phi, 10 pm. Bring people,' Jenna read the text she received.

'Really?' Owen asked.

'I think so,' Jenna lamented.

'Should we go?' Jenna dashed to her closet immediately, knowing that there's a high chance we would go.

'I'm not feeling it,' I said. 'You guys should just leave me here. Anyway, I'll be fine.'

'Come on!' Owen insisted. 'It's a Friday night and we have no classes tomorrow.'

'Don't be such a buzzkill,' teased Jenna. 'Besides, we're gonna have so much fun. Leave the academics for a while.'

'Hey, we'll come back here totally sober and safe,' Owen promised.

Even though he said that, I'm still a hundred percent sure that we're going to end up puking somewhere. It has always been like that since freshmen year, we'd end up on streets and even public restrooms, just to puke.

We, three, were known for being fun at parties, that's why most frats invite us through Jenna. We've been like this since last year however, I'm limiting myself because it might have become an addiction for us.

'I doubt that,' I stated. 'Owen, you always say that but you're always the one who vomits the most. Jenna, didn't I tell you to erase contacts because of the agreed lifestyle change for this year?'

'But,' Jenna had refuted. 'Just this one, please.'

'Please,' Owen joined in, forming a prayer position in front of me.

I heaved a laugh from their adorable state where Owen pouted, and Jenna tried to act as if it's the end of her world. Giving in to their relentless spirit of partying, I said, 'Fine, but only this time.'

'Yes!' They both shouted at the same time.

'Wait for me, I'll go pick out some clothes,' Jenna strode to the door while talking.

'Same here,' Owen quickly followed.

The two had already left when I finally had some time alone. Feeling that they would take a lot of time, since it's currently eight, I lied on my bed.

I took some time to reminisce by wandering spiritually in my room. The color of my walls was still pristine white as I kept it clean all the time. The black and white furniture exhibited a minimal aesthetic.

I stood up from the bed and opened the drawer in my study table. I saw a piece of the note I wrote as a farewell to everybody. I had hardly finished writing it because tears were flowing out of my eyes.

I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I'm still scared of myself, from all these attempts. I'm not okay and I will never be okay. No matter how hard my friends cheer me up, it's still the same – my brain always reacts this way. This year has been about me escaping reality. I searched for comfort through parties I attended with my friends, but I found life to be superficial in every one of them.

I miss you mom, and I don't know how to live without you. It has been 6 years since I've lost you; I'm tired of counting. But I want you here. I need you here. Jenna and Owen are always here, I might not feel so lonely at all. However, dad has become alcoholic ever since you passed away and it did not do any good for us. I just want to disappear.

I want to...

A tear dropped on my face as I recall everything that happened that night. I remember that I was about to jump after writing the last portion, yet something had stopped me. I just fell on the floor, lying there not feeling any emotions. Afterwards, I woke up feeling sick and fatigued.