When The Sun Came Up, You Were Gone

The Pain of Being The Boy In A Bubble(3)

*Present Time*

Noah's P.O.V

I hate the smell hospitals have, it just makes me sick. Not the sick where I throw up, but like a dreadful feeling. Like my ending is slowly reaching out for my foot, about to clasp it and drag me into darkness. Yesterday I woke up from apparently being asleep for about a week and four days. I have no appetite and everything just hurts. My mom and sister visit me a lot, wanting to spend the night but I told them no. My dad is coming tomorrow, which is a bit odd. I don't know what to say to him... what do I do, just smile? He cancelled his last trip, so I'm not hundred percent sure if he's even coming.

Someone knocked on the door, a nurse with a tray of pills, "How are you feeling Noah?"

"Alright," my voice is raspy. Apparently I strained it as I was puking. They say it should recover soon, that being the least of my concerns.

She poured a cup of water and handed me my pile, "Make sure you sip it slowly and after you're done, eat this bar so it doesn't upset your stomach." Taking the cup and bar from her, I do what I'm told. My arms are sore and so are my legs, but the doctor says they went temporarily still. He thinks my nerve system went a bit haywire during my attack. I handed everything back to her when I finished, getting ready for her questions, "Do you feel any pain?"

I nodd.

"Where?" I point to all the areas and she writes them down, "Feeling nauseas? Sick?" I nodded again, "How about your arms and legs, is it a pinching feeling?"

"More like sore," I cough, the nurse helping me sit up. After a couple minutes I returned to normal, leaning back on the pillows she stuffed behind me, "I'm not really hungry."

"Okay," she finished up writing down her notes, putting everything onto the tray she brought in, "your mom and sister are outside, I'll let them know they can come in when I leave." I just nod as she fixes my sheets and goes.

Couple seconds later, Kendra and mom come in, covered from head to toe in plastic, "How are you doing baby?" My mom takes the seat closest to me while Kendra stays by the window, "Any pain."

"Just a little," I smile at her, "how are you?"

"Try not to talk okay? Your throat is still very raw," she pulls my sheets up to my neck, patting it a bit. She takes a seat again, pulling something out of her purse, "I forgot to give this to you last week but a friend named Dominic came by the house the day after you had your attack..." She held out a piece of folded up paper, "He wanted you to give him a call when you are feeling better... he seemed worried."

Unfolding it, I see his number sketched out on the paper. His handwriting wasn't nice at all, but I could still read it. A little surprised, I just shake my head and place it on the table beside me. Kendra clears her throat, "Are you excited to see dad tomorrow?"

No.

"You haven't seen him in a while! He wasn't able to come last time because of some works stuff, but he promised to come this time! He seems really happy to see you," mom was always happy when she thought dad would come back, a curse you have when you're in love with someone I guess. I just nod, trying not to think about him too much.

My mom and Kendra stay until lunch. Around then they leave for the cafeteria and I receive my next dosage and meal. Eating only a quarter of it, I lay back onto my bed and close my eyes. I'm constantly tired, it's like I have no energy. Is this what it's like dying? Slowly losing energy everyday until I am just out of it and left to perish.

Pushing myself to turn towards the table, my eyes settle on the piece of paper. Dominic's number. It's been a long time since I spoke to him, what was our last conversation? Wasn't it the time he showed me how the cake turned out? It was horrible! Decorated terribly and just looked like it was falling apart!

But he seemed so proud of it.

His smile and glee told me he worked so hard to make it for his little sister. In the photos she seemed to love it. In the photos.... she was wearing a mask and gloves.

So she's the reason he's so stuck on mysophobia. It must be hard to see your baby sister stuck in a bubble. Seeing how Kendra reacts to me, it looks almost painful to be the onlooker. I hate being a boy in a bubble, but life just won't cut me a break. His sister is so young too. She'll never get to experience the incredible feeling to touch your loved ones or how comforting a hug might be. She'll never have her big brother rub the top of her like he's down to me. The poor thing will be... alone.

That's right.

This is just so... so lonely.

I'm so alone.

Locked away from everyone else.

Isolated like a caged animal that is too aggressive and deadly to be around. I'm just an outsider who no one wants to get too close to, because what happens if he dies? No one wants to be blamed for the reason I die, that would leave them tramatized.

But it hurts.

It hurts not being able to hug my mom and sister.

It sucks that I can't give high fives to my classmates or best friends.

It fucking terrible that I can't run my hands over spring grass and splash in the beach.

It fucking sucks that I won't be able to touch the person I am so in love with or be able to kiss them and please them myself.

It fucking hurts that I can never ever touch Dominic.