Ice Queen

Chapter 47 ~ "Make them count"

Sasha

Here I am in the middle of another crazy week. I don't know when I suddenly started to give so much of myself away to other people. My life had exploded like wildfire and had become twice as hard as it was before I quit. Well I shouldn't say hard......I just never stopped anymore. I had so many people I was trying to help and I didn't want to let anyone down.

Poor Nate looked so lonely and sad on Sunday. I knew how much he wanted to see more of me, and I'd let him down by replacing our time together. This was what I was worried about deep down, I didn't want to ruin the relationship Nate and I had with skating and family counselling.

And poor Micheal was texting me day and night about all of his fears and worries. It made me sad because I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do. I just had to comfort and tell him everything would be alright.

I knew his parents and I knew that as much as they loved Irene and thought she was wonderful, they loved their son more. They cared about him and made sure he was happy growing up, they wouldn't turn their backs on him. Irene, despite how uptight she was only wanted the best for Micheal. He was doing damage to himself and those around him with trying to keep his secret. I hopped that if he told the people closest to him, he'd at least feel like he had someone to talk to and he wouldn't feel alone.

I was struggling with this because I couldn't tell anyone other than the therapist we were seeing. My new appointments alone were on Tuesdays, working around my workouts and physio, in order to keep Thursdays open for Nate. But the she'd just listen and it didn't make me feel any better, I still felt like I was keeping secrets. 

Nate had asked me a few times about it but I just kept telling him I couldn't talk about it. If Micheal wasn't even telling his parents I knew I shouldn't be telling anyone either, even though I knew Nate wouldn't tell a soul. I couldn't even tell him who it involved, he'd already drawn the conclusion once about Micheal and I didn't want him to connect the dots so quickly. 

But I felt so guilty, I'd text Micheal and I couldn't tell Nate who it was. Keeping a secret almost felt worse than lying, I just couldn't believe he was being that understanding about it. I felt as though I treated Nate unfairly, he tried to stand by me in absolutely everything I did and I wasn't around enough for him.

"Sash let's take a break!" Kate calls over the rink and I sigh, skating over to the boards. Nate was sitting close-by, looking tired after his own practice. "Are you alright tonight?" She whispers and I sigh. "It's like you're being weighed down, what's wrong?"

"Did you ever date anyone when you skated?" I blurt out and she gives me this endearing look. 

"Trouble in paradise?" She asks nodding to Nate and I shrug.

"Not trouble.....I just-"

"Don't know how to split up your time properly?" She asks and I nod. "Aw Sash."

"I feel awful about it." I say stepping off the ice and putting on my guards.

"Let's take a walk." She suggests and I nod. She walks me down the hallway until we find a nice bench to sit on. "To answer your question, yes I did date someone while I skated.....a few someones actually." I laugh a bit and she gives me a nudge.

"But.....you didn't last." I conclude and she sighs.

"Honey, we didn't last because they couldn't handle the fact that I had other priorities. They dated me thinking I was a normal girl with tons of free time and when they found out the truth, they didn't want to put up with it. They weren't serious about me, your guy is serious about you." She says in a reassuring tone.