Orochimaru's Creation (KakashiXReader)

Different

We ended up stopping at an inn for the night. I was thankful; I hadn't taken an actual shower in months.
"You go ahead and shower; I'm going to go buy you some clothes to wear," he didn't give me time to respond. The door clicked shut behind him and I sighed. I really didn't want to be alone.
I jumped in the shower anyways though.
The water and soap burned the few wounds I still had; but it wasn't enough to get an actual reaction from me.

When I finished washing myself; I leaned against my shower wall and slowly slid down it. When I finally reached the ground; I brought my knees up and rested my head on them.
   The way Jiraiya looked at me was burned into my mind.

He thinks you're a monster.

I tried to shake the thought away.

He knows you're a monster.

KNOCK KNOCK.

Two hard knocks pulled me out of my thoughts, "I'll sit your clothes right outside the door."
I didn't respond; I just pulled myself off the floor and climbed out of the shower.

When I was dressed; I walked into the room and sat on my bed. Jiraiya sat on the opposite bed watching me.

We sat in silence for a moment before his stare started making me uneasy again, "If you've got something to ask; just do it please."

He stayed silent for a minute before he responded, "What happened to you shorty?"

"Would you be willing to wait and listen when I tell Tsunade the story? I'd prefer to not to say it more than once."

He grimaced and spoke softly, "Of course shorty. Sleep; we'll start back to Konoha first thing."

I nodded and laid on the bed. Another thing that I'd missed these last few months. It didn't take me long to fall asleep.

~*~

"Why didn't you just choose one of us (y/n)?,"a leaf shinobi slowly walked towards me; a hole in their body.

"Now our families won't even have a body to bury," the second one with the broken neck walked towards me.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"SORRY? OUR DEATHS ARE ALL YOUR FAULT."

"I know."

"YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"YOU DESERVE TO BE ALONE."

My voice came out as a harsh whisper, "I know. I don't deserve love."

They began clawing at my skin; ripping me to shreds slowly; and I just let it happen.

I deserve to suffer.

~*~

I shot up in bed gasping and sweating.

"(Y/n)!?," I felt Jiraiya's weight settle on the bed beside me.

I steadied my breath and glanced at the clock; 2am. I looked at Jiraiya, "Can I sleep beside you?" I was tired of being alone. So I didn't want to sleep alone either.

He furrowed his brow; probably unsure of how to handle me like this. Hell; I didn't even know how to handle me like this.

He reluctantly agreed, "If it'll help you sleep; come on." He walked back to his bed and laid down. I slowly got up and followed. He laid on his back and I made myself comfortable by laying my head on his chest. He seemed to stiffen but eased into it.
He wrapped his arm around me and gently rubbed my arm. We laid there silently for quite a bit of time; before I heard him whisper, "I'm so sorry shorty."

God I wish I could cry.

~

The rest of our travel back home was peaceful. Jiraiya tried his best to get some kind of reaction from me; but I just couldn't bring myself to respond. In my head I was grateful. At the same time though; I hated being reminded that I was different right now.

Jiraiya seemed to avoid telling me how everyone was; said I'd probably need to see it for myself. I didn't push him on the topic though. I knew I'd be home soon enough.

~

When I saw Konoha's gates; my heart lurched. I had fulfilled my promise to Naruto and Kakashi after all. I couldn't wait to see them.

As soon as we stepped in the gates; I looked at Jiraiya, "Can I see them before we go to Tsunade?"

He gave me a worried look, "Sure, stay close to me though."
I nodded and we started searching through the village.
I knew the first place to look for one of my favorite ninja.
We walked up to Ichiraku's and I could see orange peeping through the curtain.

I didn't even hesitate; I walked in and wrapped my arms around him. I know my emotions might not be there all the way; but I still cared for Naruto. I had missed his hugs.

"HEY WHA-," he turned and saw it was me hugging him.
His eyes began to water and he buried his face into my chest, "You came back."

I rubbed his head, "I told you I would."
He pulled his head back and began to study mine, "Are you okay (y/n)? You sound different."

I stepped back; I couldn't let Naruto know anything, "I'm fine Naruto. Have you seen Kakashi?"

He looked at me like he didn't believe me, "Yeah, I saw him near the training grounds last. I'll take you to him," he slurped down the rest of his ramen and jumped to his feet.

He gave me a big smile that I so badly wished I could return, "Let's go! You too Pervy sage!"
He grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him; and I grabbed Jiraiya's hand to pull him behind me.

We darted through the crowd quickly; until we finally found him. He was standing beside a brunette girl near a tree. I quickly noticed their body language. I stopped Naruto and Jiraiya and pulled them beside me, "Wait."

The both complied and stayed silent as we watched them. I didn't know what they were saying but I noticed the girl blush. She was stunning. I couldn't help but be a bit envious of her.

They said a few more things to each other before they turned to each other. My breath hitched as they inched closer to each other. I couldn't stand watching but I couldn't bring myself to stop it either.

Kakashi pulled his mask down and kissed her. I felt Jiraiya's hand on my shoulder but he stayed silent. Naruto was the complete opposite though.

"HEY WHAT IS THAT IDIOT-," I slapped my hand over his mouth and kneeled in front of him.

"It's okay Naruto," I rubbed the side of his head and then moved my hand from his mouth.

"But (y/n)."

I shook my head, "I'll be okay. Don't worry."

Honestly; I'd probably never be okay again. A part of me understood. I had been gone nearly a year, maybe a full year; I honestly wasn't sure anymore.
      The rest of me though; the rest of me was angry. I had sit through months of torture dreaming of coming back to him; and the first thing I see is him kissing someone else.

I'd deal with that inner battle later.

"Naruto? Jiraiya? Who's this?," I heard Kakashi behind me now. I slowly stood up straight. A part of me wanted to run and not deal with this; but I turned around.

I couldn't help but let my gaze fall to their intertwined hands.

He let go of her hand quickly, "(Y/n)?"

He went to move towards me but I stepped back, "Jiraiya, let's go see Tsunade. I'll see you afterwards Naruto."

I ruffled Naruto's hair before I grabbed Jiraiya's hand and started walking away.

God I wish I could cry.