Memory Documentation

chapter seventeen | documenting the way they are by my side

"Fine! But only if you'll look at me," he bargained.

I raked my fingers through my hair with the words, "I'm uncomfortable!" coming out in an exasperated groan.

"Uncomfortable?" he echoed.

"Yes, I feel uncom–" My words were cut short as a cry of surprise left my mouth. Chris had grabbed me by the waist and was lifting me clean off the floor. My arms wrapped around his neck as he began to shake me vigorously in a back and forth motion, shouting the words "don't be uncomfortable" over and over.

"Chris, put me down!" I shrieked.

I felt his body shake with laughter. "Not until I shake the uncomfortableness out of ya!"

Despite my continued protests, Chris began to jump, twirl, and even run a bit with me still in his arms. It took complaints of dizziness for him to finally obey and lower me back to the ground.

"Fine, fine. Then let's get ready in position." I didn't have time to refuse or protest before Chris was guiding my hands from around his neck down to his chest. My head was spinning so wildly that I thumped my forehead on his chest, too.

"Now I'm dizzy and uncomfortable," I grumbled to him.

"Shh. Tell me if you can feel my heartbeat."

He hid the intimacy of the position behind the simple task, and it was enough to keep me there. Clever.

When my head finally stopped spinning, I raised my head and pressed my palm harder against his chest, curious to see if I could actually feel Chris's heartbeat. I've practiced counting Papa's pulse in the past before, but the chest was not the prime or correct area to do this. But with Chris's hoodie removed, I could actually feel the pulse underneath the fabric of his long-sleeved sweater. Especially since...

"It's –" I flicked my eyes up to his "– kinda racing?"

The corner of his lip turned up. "Hm. Wonder why that is."

I blushed and dropped my eyes again. "Obviously from all that movement," I muttered. But mine was racing for a completely different reason. As much as I protested, it was exhilarating to be lifted into his arms and to feel the laughter vibrate through his entire body. It felt exhilarating now, just being with him here.

The door swung open, and suddenly, Chris and I were many feet apart as the rest of our friends came pouring out of the building, drinks and snacks in hand. Chris walked towards them, and I headed the other direction towards the bench. I collapsed onto the seat and pressed a hand to my heart. If he could feel my heartbeat right now, I guarantee it would be beating even faster than his. I buried my head in my hands.

This was going to be way more difficult than I thought.

Trying to push past my feelings for Chris was hard enough, but how am I supposed to continue doing that when he does things like that?

I heard the sound of footsteps approach me. It was Marissa. She kneeled down before me and pried my hands away from my face so I could see her. She wore the same teasing smile she's been giving me for days, but it faded as she saw the distress on my face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I frowned at her. What could I say? I, who's never even taken a single dance class for school credit, have to learn a professionally choreographed dance that means the absolute world to my hero of a dad. And I have to do it with my best friend, who I just so happen to be developing a huge, uncontrollable crush for? I could say that, but Marissa knew that more than anyone. So instead, I settled for saying I was a bundle of nerves and emotions. It was the truth, after all. That's how Chris left me feeling these days, even if it didn't necessarily feel like a bad thing.