Assassin, until the first moment (🇬🇧)

Caught in the net of emotions

The assassin mellowed his breathing, simulating sleep. He could literally feel Dot's eyes on him, but he resisted the urge to turn around and confront her. It wasn't long before he heard the soft clatter of dishes coming from behind him. Evidently, she had brought him another tray of food.

"Magnus?" Dot whispered softly. "Are you awake?"

Magnus refused to respond, focusing solely on his breathing, striving to keep it as slow and as steady as possible. He hoped that Dot would just leave him alone, but he could tell from the quiet but heavy sigh that she knew he wasn't sleeping. Instead of pushing him for an answer, Dot left the room just a short time later and the assassin released a sigh of relief. It wasn't long before he finally delved into the darkness and a dreamless sleep took him.

***

The next time Magnus opened his eyes, the sun was low on the horizon and it had started to snow. The assassin blinked in surprise when he saw the snowflakes falling outside his window. The snow was late this year. It was already mid-February.

Magnus glanced at his bedside table. A platter stacked with sandwiches was sitting there. His stomach grumbled loudly as he took a closer look at the prepared bread. Magnus carefully pushed his body into a sitting position. Even though he had no real appetite, he still had to eat and his stomach murmured with satisfaction when he swallowed the first bite. Without really taking note of what kind of sandwiches he was eating, he continued to look out of the window, watching the snowfall, it had turned to an even thicker flurry just over the past few minutes.

Memories of his childhood ran through his mind and a sad smile tugged at his lips when he thought of the last few times he had played with his parents outside in the snow. He had barely been older than six or seven. It was a time when everything in his family had still been all right. 

Images popped into his head of how he had joyfully watched his mother and father building a snowman for him. It had been the last winter he'd seen his parents like this, happy and contented. After that, his mother had gradually lost the shine in her eyes; something Magnus had never really noticed at the time. Only when he’d gotten older and learned of the terrible things that had happened to his mother before she had committed suicide, he had realized that his uncle must have started to abuse his mother sometime after that winter.

Magnus shook his head, pushing the thoughts of that incident out of his mind. Presently, he was emotionally unable to face those gruesome memories. Without apathy, he stuffed the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth and placed the plate back on the table next to his bed.

The unpleasant odour of an unwashed body abruptly emanated into his nose, and he grimaced. It had definitely been a few days since he had properly washed. He briefly considered whether he should call for someone to help him into the shower, but he decided against it. Access to the adjoining bathroom was not too far, and he hoped, somehow that he could make it on his own.

With his teeth tightly clenched, he crawled out of bed and straightened himself into a standing position. His heart was pounding fast in his chest and his legs felt like jelly, but he didn't slump to the floor. 

Encouraged, he started the move towards his bathroom. It was only a few meters, but when he finally reached the door, he was sweating heavily and his heartbeat had increased dramatically. But he had made it, and that knowledge put a small but triumphant smile on his face.

Approaching the last few meters to the shower, he grabbed a towel from a hook and placed it on the floor next to the shower. It took a few attempts to free himself from his pyjama, but finally, he was sitting on a chair under the warm water. A relieved sigh escaped his lips when the water hit his skin and Magnus closed his eyes for a moment, leaning back against the chair's backrest. He enjoyed the warm stream for a while - although he was sitting on a chair, he could feel his circulation system beginning to fail him.