Assassin, until the first moment (🇬🇧)

Don't lose hope

The bedroom was dimly lit and any light from outside was absurd by heavy curtains at the windows and as Alec cautiously entered, his eyes immediately settled on the hospital bed in the middle of the room. Magnus lay surrounded by a tangle of wires and tubes, he was literally swallowed up by the bed and the medical equipment encompassing it. Alec felt his heart ache when he saw him sprawled there in the bed, and he instantly hated that sight more than anything. Magnus looked so small and frail that Alec wished to draw him into a tight embrace, to protect him from everything bad and hurtful in the world. There were none other that could compare to this breathtaking man, the one who had made Alec's heart beat faster with just a simple smile.

Unable to move, Alec allowed his gaze to wander over the assassin's still, unmoving form. Oh, Magnus ... Guilt arose within Alec, forming a pungently tight knot in his stomach. It almost felt like he had consumed a number of ice cubes all at once, but yet, he felt like he was burning up on the inside. He wished he could turn back time and undo everything that had happened. If only he hadn't resisted Jonathan. If...

A sob formed in his throat and Alec quickly placed a hand over his mouth to stop it from bubbling out. His legs suddenly felt weak and jelly-like as he attempted to support himself against the door frame to prevent himself from sinking into a heap on the ground.

Alec felt a warm hand on his shoulder, reaching up from behind and squeezing him there gently. Alec peered over his shoulder and was greeted by Dot's solemn gaze. There was a soft and comforting smile on her lips as if she desired to tell him, simply, not to lose hope, but Alec could see tears there shimmering in her eyes. He placed his hand over hers, in a bid to show her that he was glad she was there. Still, the sour knot in his stomach remained tight and unrelenting.

Alec pushed himself off of the door frame and gradually approached the bed, his steps were slow and unsteady, guided only by the constant beeping of the ECG machines. It was a solitary clear indication that Magnus' heart was still beating, and as much as the incessant beeping sound made the knot inside him tighten, it was nevertheless, a relief to hear.

Alec stood still next to the bed, looking downward at Magnus' serene figure. A table lamp on the nightstand was the only source of light in the room, and it bathed the assassin's face with a delicate, warm golden glow. However, Alec could see just how pale and fragile he looked. His skin was practically as white as porcelain, a little thin and translucent.

Tears pooled in Alec's eyes, blurring his vision. He sniffed softly, struggling to keep the aching emotions inside from tearing him apart from within. It wouldn't help anyone if he were to break down now. Magnus would not awake, and he would just be adding more distress and worry on Dot's shoulders. Taking a deep breath, Alec swallowed several times as he tried to hold in his tears.

Then, hesitantly Alec reached out his hand and was unable to stop his fingers from shaking as it hovered a few inches from the assassin's face. As gently as possible he was careful not to touch any of the tubes on his face, he ran his hand over Magnus' cheek. His thumb tenderly moved over the contours of the protruding cheekbones, a clear testimony that Magnus had lost weight over the past couple of months.

"Hey Magnus, glad to have you back home. I... I thought... I would never see you again." As Alec spoke his voice was barely more than a whisper, sounding as fragile as glass to his own ears. "I don't know if you can hear me, but if so... wake up, okay? We all miss you, so much."

Another sob tore through his throat. He was unable to stop it from escaping this time, it pearled from his lips, sounding as if he was only just realizing that Magnus was actually alive. Alec slapped his hand over his mouth for the second time, muffling the desperate sound as best as he could. Despair and fear rushed through his body and his shoulder trembled from the intense feelings as he tried not to let them overwhelm him. He didn't want Magnus to hear him crying, not in such a state. Not when Magnus needed him to be strong for him. But as much as Alec tried to hold himself together, his efforts were in vain.