Assassin, until the first moment (🇬🇧)

Caught in the net of emotions

Enchanted by a small spider on the ceiling… Magnus watched as the tiny creature moved from one corner to another, carefully feeling out its way ahead before venturing on. Magnus had thought it might fall a few times, but once it found the new place it had been so desperately seeking, the tiny spider commenced weaving a new web. Magnus smiled and watched the spectacle for a time, fascinated by the swiftness in which the web was weaved. The careful, precise and majestic manner the tiny creature possessed. As time passed Magnus’ eye grew heavier, until eventually, they closed and a deep slumber claimed him.

Oh God, he was so tired. So infinitely tired.

Magnus slid further beneath the covers, blocking out the daylight as much as he possibly could. He could’ve probably just closed the curtains, but then he would’ve had to have moved from the bed, and that was out of the question. 

On one hand, it would be pretty exhausting and painful for him to move because of his lack of motor function. He was anything but healed. On the other hand, he was not willing to leave the warmth and comfort of his bed. 

Here in this bed, under the covers, he could hide from the world outside, just simply believe that everything had been a bad dream. Here in this bed, he felt safe and protected. That was what he told himself anyway… 

Magnus didn't know how much time had passed since Alec had told him his father was no longer alive. Had it been just a few days or maybe it had been weeks? He didn't know. Desiring to escape the pain the loss of his father had induced, he allowed himself to be embraced by the endless blanket of darkness the world of his dreams provided, time and again. He slept more than he was awake. Because, whenever he was to open his eyes, that deep and hollowing pain was instantly there, capturing his heart so tight in its grip that he was literally fighting for every breath.

Adding to his grief, Magnus had to deal with Alec and Dot’s betrayal. That they hadn't told him about his father's death was something that Magnus was really struggling to deal with. It was making the whole situation quite unbearable. Just the thought caused new tears to pool at the corners of his eyes.

Magnus screwed his eyes shut. He didn't want to cry any more. He didn't have the strength to shed even another single tear. His eyes were so sore, swollen and puffy that he had wondered more than once, how he was still able to see, let alone open his eyes. 

Of course, he knew he couldn't hide in this bed forever, but he wasn't ready to face the world outside, or the pain inside. Right now, he preferred to take the easy way out, even if it made him a coward in his own eyes.

Just before he could be completely enveloped in the blanket of all-consuming darkness once again, a knock echoed from the closed door and brought forth his cognisance. Magnus let out a frustrated sigh, but instead of responding to the knock, he buried his face deeper into his pillow, pulling the cover over his head. He hoped that whoever was at the door would just go away. He didn't want to hear anyone, see anyone, and he certainly didn’t want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be left alone. 

His Doctor and his two designated nurses had routinely tried to get him back on track to resume the exercises his physiotherapy required, but Magnus refused to cooperate.

Alec had also tried to talk to him once, but Magnus had specifically said that he didn't want to see him. To his surprise, Alec had adhered to his request and hadn't come to visit since. Magnus wasn’t sure if he should be disappointed or angry about it. Maybe both? It definitely broke his heart, even if he was the one who kept Alec at bay.

And then there was Dot, his best friend. Stubborn as she was, she had taken on the responsibility of bringing food to his room every day, and from the quiet steps Magnus could hear now approaching his bed, he knew that it was her who had entered his room.