Invincible | ˢᵃᵇʳⁱⁿᵃ ᵐᵃˡᶠᵒʸ

34- Birds and Oil Lamps

Chapter 34: Birds and Oil Lamps

TRISTAN

I had no sense of time. I had no sense of sanity, no sense of reality left in myself. All I was, all I knew was desperation, fear, and a wide, empty hole right in the centre of my heart.

A twig snapped under my boots. A bird croaked in the far distance. 

"Tristan." A light whisper came from beside me. "I don't think this is a good idea."

I turned my head, eyeing Astrid softly and I didn't even hesitate as I said, "We can go back, if you want."

"You're not going to stay with us, though." It wasn't a question. She knew the answer. The both of us knew it damn well.

I wasn't going to turn back. I could have the gods on their knees, begging me to turn back and get the hell out of the dark, dreadful woods. I could have the world crumbling all around me with every step I took, taunting me with warnings and my feet would not stop. I wouldn't turn around.

I heard her sigh a defeated breath. "How much longer?" She implored simply. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything as I turned my head to look at the little girl beside me, the same little girl who had begged to come along with me and I had agreed. I had agreed because I was too fucking tired to even disagree, let alone put up a fight.

"We're almost there."

There. Hogwarts. The only place I could think of. The only place on my mind in my frantic desperation. It felt like a temporary breath of fresh air, a light at the end of a tunnel. I was ready to risk anything to get help. I was ready to give anything to find a way to her. And if it meant returning to Hogwarts, if it meant going back to a place which was now either flourishing after the war or nothing but pieces of rubble--no one in the Everdeen household cared to listen to the radio, or to check in with friends and family in fears of the network leading to unwanted people. And now it didn't matter because I was going back to Hogwarts. I was going back to that place which I once called home.

Home. The word stung my throat, clawed at my already worm-eaten scab of a heart. How did a word so simple and easy as home turn into something this complicated? How did my home go from being a place where I spent my teenage years--loving, learning, fighting--to a person, a person who bewitched me so easily and so mindlessly and I had let her? How did home become so distant and so scary?

She ran away. My home ran away. Nothing was simple and easy after that.

It was all a blur of tears and shouts, and broken curtains with shattered windows. It was slamming doors and screaming at the heavens, cursing her name and then cursing my own for wanting to hate her but not having it in me to feel anything but the burning desire of wanting her body beneath my arms and to wake up with her hair in my mouth and my legs numb because she had hogged the blanket in the middle of the night

"Tristan." I snapped out of my thoughts, nearly stumbling over a large root in the dark. I looked over at Astrid once more, her face illuminated by the light of the oil lamp in her hand. She was frowning slightly—she had been doing quite a lot of that lately. So had I. "You're doing it again."

It. The zoning out, the constant thinking while I shut the world out completely. It was second nature now. It was everything I ever did given any spare second. I didn't understand why it worried Astrid so much.

I nodded. I couldn't speak much, didn't have much to say.

And she didn't get much of a chance to ask me about it, ask me about what I was thinking about, knowing damn well that I wouldn't give her the answer, because right in that moment we stepped out of the forest.

Astrid sucked in a sharp breath as she took in our surroundings. Hogwarts stood tall, staring down at us in its full glory. Everything looked rather the same, barely any sign of damage and my shoulders sagged just slightly.

The war was over. The war was over and they had won. Harry had won.

Every remain, every ruin was fixed, quickly mended with just the flick of a wand. It looked almost as good as new.

Something clutched at my chest, the first sign of feeling. Their war had ended while mine had just started. Their peace and harmony had returned, while mine had just run away.

"This is a horrible idea." Astrid whispered. Turning my head down to look at her, I finally saw it. I wasn't the only one affected by this place. Astrid was a stranger to Hogwarts, a stranger to every memory I was reminiscing. To her, this place could be a hell house or something from a figment of her wishes come to life.

I had dragged a child into this. We had dragged a child into this, set her up in every way possible to risk her neck, make her go through the shit we were too scared to experience alone. We were leaning on a little superglued human of confidence who was far too young to even see the things Astrid was seeing.

Without thinking too much about it, I extended an arm to her. Her eyes widened at the invitation and I shifted uncomfortably.

When was the last time I had allowed touch? When was the last time I had willingly let someone near me?

I knew the answer even before my brain processed the question. A green-eyed smile flitted in my inner eye and I gritted my teeth.

Before I could get swallowed by the lingering memory of her and the crushing pain threatening to shatter over my chest, Astrid slid under my arm, letting me pull her closer.

"Come on. Let's get this horrible idea over with." I said, tugging her towards the school entrance and ignoring the burning in my throat.

We walked in silence as I let her take in the tall walls, the random tapestries, saw with amusement as her eyes widened at the moving paintings, even laughed lightly when she jumped at the sight of a ghost floating out of the wall.

"I didn't know there were actual ghosts here." She breathed, turning up to look at me. Squeezing her shoulder, I gave her a smile. "I thought they were just rumours."

"You can't believe everything you hear, kid." I replied, pulling her further into the halls.

My heart pounded against my chest as familiar heads whipped around and whispers exploded in our direction but no one--not even those who knew me--came up to say a word. I preferred it that way.

"Who's that?" Astrid tugged at my hand, turning me towards one of the empty hallways.

A small, blonde figure glanced up at the roof, humming a soft tune to herself.

"Luna." I felt a small smile twitch at the corner of my lips. "Luna Lovegood."

"Luna." She repeated in a whisper. Astrid craned her neck to look back towards Luna even as I pulled her along. "She's pretty."

My smile widened. "You should talk to her once-" I cleared my throat, my grin faltering. "You should talk to her. She would like you."

She was silent then, contemplative.

"We're here." I turned around a corner, stopping by the headmaster's office door. I felt like puking.

The gargoyle stared down at me as I tapped three times against the stone and waited.

My heart slammed against my chest as I heard the clicking of a door and I damn near passed out as the gargoyle jumped aside, revealing a dark passage and a tall, familiar figure.

"Oh my dear God!" Professor Mcgonagall clutched at her chest, the colour bleeding out of her face as her eyes locked on me. "Tristan!"

"Hello, Professor."

|   A U T H O R ' S   N O T E   |

did i completely not update for literal months? yes

do i have an excuse? absolutely not

im so sorry but like its impossible to get inspo for this book amd it comes once in a blue moon please dont hate me