CLOSED FOR CATCH UP
Ever wanted to know what your reader's feelings about your books?
Ever looked for ways to improve your writing?
Is your title eye-catching?
Does your first chapter pique the writer's interest?
Does your story keep the reader h...
When Kendal says, I want to be friends and all..how he thinks Julie is different. The thing is, I felt a little disconnected from the MC as I just realized all I know about her is that she is ready to help people, and that too because her mom told me!!
So I suggest, giving us a little monologue about her, a little rant from her side, maybe giving her a quirk! Anything to make us feel how she is really is!
I feel you got caught up in imagery and thats why the balance between character and surrounding got lost!
Chapter 4 ~
When her mom tells her that she and dad were spies, I didn't feel any shock since the MC didn't feel shocked! I felt too disconnected with her since her inner thoughts weren't really specified. She says she's hurt, but is she really hurt? So I'd like it if you worked on how to incorporate styles of fitting emotion and dialogue in her narration.
I suggest you read more books and get an idea of how to go about this!
You are terrifying good at describing things, But but but, you don't have to describe everything..the hug and her shirt riding up part is not really necessary, you can cut the part off!
Chapter 7 ~
This is where it struck me that your chapters are really really long! You could have cut the chapter at 'Your father's friend, George. '
I was reading this at night and I suddenly realized that its taking way too much time because the chapters were so lengthy. The content is so well executed but the longer your chapters, the lesser enthusiasm people will show to read the book since you've fitted everything in so compactly! So I would strongly suggest you shorten up your chapters.
And Julie accepted quite easily that George was in love with her mom. Again, this is the part where I would like you to add her inner monologues! A little more surprise maybe or even shock!
Chapter 8 ~
Sand filled object can be punching bag' the reason is when you're inside your head you don't really talk in such a polished and poetic manner..
I didn't feel the urge to induce tears in my orbs just for the reason of a elaborate showdown in the midst of people.
I didn't want to cry just because I wanted them to see I was sad.
See' get my point? When you talk to yourself you want people to relate to the MC...but if the MC uses descriptive words a lot, you start feeling disconnected from the character since its a mouthful to keep up.
Instead of ft' make it Feet.
She was 6ft tall. She was around 6 feet tall.
It really shows a little personalization!
Writing technicalities and grammar -
There is this long standing issue of when you end a dialogue, instead of a full stop you have inserted a comma.
Like this : "I thought she was here,"
Even though the sentence has ended you have put a comma, I think its a small issue but just wanted you to know. And 'mom' everywhere is 'Mom' so you could work on that.
Your words, ability to describe, grammar, format of a chapter is AWESOME! Really I was honestly loving the story so much!
But having said that, seeing your word count!
The smallest chapter is 2447 words! And you have a chapter of 4497 words! Wow that's incredible but wayyyyy too long. I strongly suggest a little consistency in word counts. 1500 words for one chapter is more than enough! You could keep it in that range itself. Cut down your chapters and that's how you can draw more audience!
Final words -
Woah! This book was really a page turner! It has such a plot that is already so exciting! And the fact that it doesn't just revolve around her dad's murder is great!
With words that seem to suck you in, and an effortless story telling knack, Julie and her adventures have taken me to a wonderful place, which is always leaving me asking for more!
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Here was your review! Hope it lived up to your standards! Feel free to contact me for any kind of help😀❤
