The Reader's POV: Review Book {CLOSED}

'Love' or 'Spy' ☆ Inkerbell

Author : preshivipes

Reviewer : ItsmeAxelle_

Chapters reviewed : 8
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First Impressions:

Cover, title, blurb -

The cover and title doesn't do any justice to the book. The book is really well described and has a lot of stories interwined, but your cover was a little too plain and will get lost amidst the hundreds of books made on spies.
The fairy font looked very laidback against the girl with the gun.

The title is actually grammatically wrong. The reason being - 'Love' is an emotion, a thing to be kept treasured. 'Spy' on the other hand is an occupation, a thing that you aim to be. So you cannot have these two things as a choice for the MC. I suggest you dig deeper and find a title more apt for your book. The apostrophes in the title made it look really amateurish, which you definitely are not. So I would suggest for a whole new look for your book.

The blurb is nice, no kind of issues there. But, the last line. Please remove that and club all the previous lines in one paragraph, and then you can add a question.

"What will she choose?"

This blurb will entice readers, since you end it with a question, so yeah thats all I would want you to change about your first impressions!

The chapters -

You've decided to go with an introduction which is nice, but, I didn't think it was necessary since you have already summarised the entire story in your blurb, I don't think you should be doing that as an intro too!
Instead, you should try putting a prologue, like maybe a fight scene where someone dies, a flashback, anything from your book, but I strongly suggest you remove that introduction, it really puts readers off!

Chapter 1 ~

When you talk about stella, you don't have to make it italics, since you're explaining about her, it can be done up in normal lettering, but when the dialogue part comes, that's where you should add italics.

"Stella is my childhood friend..."

And then you could continue the backstory which was..beautiful. I swear, such a nicely written one.
But when you end the narrative, 'since then' has to come in the next line, since you have finished the back story!

'Almost immediately ' in the next line too, since it starts off something new.

Chapter 2 ~

When the man says, "The Julie that has been dead..."
Specify what Julie is feeling, since its a huge thing when someone tells you you're dead! You can't be just confused...So you have to add a little insight of how she reacts.

And the dialogues too!

"Caitlin, I'm sorry, I can't come back to you and Julie."

"Ca..Caitlin! I-I'm sorry. I..can't...can't come b-back....to and..Ju..Julie!"

Did you see the difference?

I've noticed this in almost all your dialogues, the emotion is lacking from the words, the character might be saying it in anguish, yet the words seem like a simple statement.

"What do you mean John?"

"Wha..What do you m-mean?
J-John? John?"

See? This is just examples where you have to infuse a little panic in your readers though words!