Not A Single Word

Chapter 18

"Now it's your turn. Tell me about you and Mr. handsome." Faith teased Leila.

"He's just great." Leila mysteriously said not elaborating too much.

"And it seems like he loves you." Faith interjected.

"I believe so." Leila replied shyly.

"So what seems to be the problem," Faith inquired sensing that there was something her friend was hiding or hesitant to say.

"The problem is..." Leila began exasperated, "well the problem is..." she repeated frustrated. "The problem is... there's no problem." She laughed ironically.

"And that's a problem?" Faith asked confused.

"Well yes, that's the problem." Leila repeated. "I mean, with Cameron I knew what I was getting myself into. I noticed a few things. It's my own fault that I turned a blind eye to them but at least I knew what to expect. With Gabriel..." She left the sentence unfinished.

"You were expecting things to go sour with Cameron?" Faith asked instead.

"Kind of. I mean, once I walked in on him about to kiss someone. He acted as if he was helping her get something out of her eye. Once I read a message on his phone but it was almost in codes. Some other things too but when I confronted him with my suspicions he always had an explanation and I convinced myself that I was overreacting." Leila explained.

"Wow! He really messed you up, didn't he?!" Faith explained heartbroken for her friend.

"Why do you say that?" Leila inquired quizzically. "I don't think I'm any different than when I first met him."

"Then what do you call this sudden fear?" Faith questioned her. "Would you be so suspicious of Gabriel if you hadn't been messed up by Cameron?" She reasoned.

"I don't know." Leila admitted turning to lie on her back and look up at the hospital ceiling. "Maybe you're right, but still... Doesn't everyone have a bad side?" She asked herself contemplating the answer. "I mean I have shortcomings. Why do I seem unable to see any of his?" Leila asked again. "At least then I would know what to expect."

"Maybe you just need to give it more time." Faith explained.

"Maybe." Leila answered doubtingly. "But I'm still scared. I'm already more than half in love with him. I don't want to wake up one day and find out that I had been tricked. I don't want to feel stupid in love." Leila said her breath catching on a giggling sob.

"Hey! Hey!" Faith tried to comfort her, "we're all stupid in love." She joked. "If it's any consolation, I think he's also stupid in love. I would bet you he doesn't see any of your faults too."

"Hey!" Leila said acting offended. "I don't have faults!"

"I'm sure you don't." Faith said rolling her eyes. "I can't see them either."

"So, what do I do?" Leila asked serious again.

"Maybe you should tell him about your fears." Faith explained. "Tell him how you feel. I think being honest in a relationship might be the best policy. Unless he's a psychopath, then he will surely use your insecurities against you." Faith joked again.

"Why don't you do the same with Sam?" Leila asked her friend pointedly.

"It's complicated." Faith said and stopped but Leila gave her a look that said that-better-not-be-all. "I already revealed too much to Sam. I told him everything about my childhood and then what happened to me and how I feel right now about not being able to have children. He comforted me. That's great." Faith explained hurriedly. "He might mean it. He might be sincere now. But what if he resents me after a while. He will comfort me now but I'm not worried about now." Faith explained.