The Worst Drug

•Again and Again•

Laying back on the examination table with Dr.Lilac rolling the tool around my stomach I look up at the ceiling listening to the sound of my babies heartbeat through the computer speaker. It's loud but steady and Dr.Lilac made it clear to me that it sounds healthy. After seeing me when I first came in she asked me questions and did a physical to check for anything and said the preeclampsia is getting worse. She doesn't want me on my feet any more than I have to be, so I can't be going to the grocery store or doing much with the kids and definitely not picking up Ez when she wants to be held.
The thing she made most clear was not to have sex, for it could be worse for my blood pressure since it increases so much during intercourse and with the sex Idris and I have...yeah, it wouldn't be good for me. However, I don't see that being much of an issue lately. Since the morning in the truck after leaving Sin's Idris has been giving me the silent treatment. He lifts it every now and then when it's important enough or feels like Cass is catching on to our change of attitudes. I didn't think it would last as long as it's been and if you're asking me, I think it's dramatic.
This morning I was going to ask Idris if he'd come with me to this appointment but he was gone with the kids when I woke up. She told me during our last appointment that she might be able to tell what the gender is and I wanted to find out with Idris since he was excited about finding out. It's his fault though, he shouldn't be carrying it out this long when I've been trying to communicate and didn't do anything wrong in the first place.
"You're gonna have one small baby," Dr.Lilac says with a laugh. It doesn't worry me anymore when she says that because she says it every ultrasound I have. It concerned me at first and still a little bit since I have the preeclampsia problem now but she doesn't seem worried. "I can tell you the gender now if you'd like, but I'm not sure if you'd rather wait for when you're husband's present."
"I want to know," I say, folding my hands on my chest. Waiting for Idris could take too long for all I know with the way his behaviors been lately and it'd be in the back of kind constantly wondering when I know I could know already. She smiles at me then the screen, press down a little harder on the side of my abdomen.
"There isn't any extra parts and I've been searching for a while," she says with a laugh.... "So, I think it's safe to say you're having a little girl." A smile breaks out on my face looking a the screen. Even though I had been hoping for a boy I couldn't be happier about this and I know Idris will be ecstatic when he finds out (I hope that's soon.)
•••••
~Idris's POV~

I didn't want to leave this morning without at least saying something to Vina but as soon as the kids were ready I wanted to get moving. It's immature of me to still not be talking to her over something so petty that's hardly her fault but it's not just that anymore. I've started back of the ADHD medication and just like Bex said, it's making things worse. I don't feel like myself at all, even with the kids.
I was worried how smoking pot would affect me with them, I thought it'd be worse, but I was wrong. Cass is starting to see the difference, asking if I'm okay every now and then before returning to his muted self. It still concerns me how unattached he is but I'm hoping once Vina and I talk with a lawyer about adopting him that'll he'll get closer to us. There's also even a chance that he won't want to at all, he might want to be on his own like I did and who am I to keep him from that when I was the same way?
"Hey, Idris!" I hear a somewhat familiar voice say from behind me. I stop in my tracks, my foot stopping on the first step of my up the stairs. Logan, one of Sin's new guys, comes up with someone that I only recognize but don't know the name of. "Zavian's your father in law, right?" He asks.
"Yeah," I answer, crossing my arms over my chest. It sounds weird to have Zav be called my father in law although that's exactly what he is. He and his body side eye each other. Logan takes a step closer to me.
"Do you know if he still sells?" He asks in a hushed voice. My eyes narrow down at the boy.
"Sells?" I ask. He nods, his lips pressed together tightly. Drugs, I know I know exactly what he's talking about. I can't get it off my mind, now someone is asking me where to get some...that's a hole I'm not falling down; not today, Satan. "I wouldn't know, he doesn't talk to me about that stuff."
Fuck, it's crazy how much things have changed the last decade. I only knew Zavian as a scary drug dealer and now he's my father in law. Fifteen year old me would have never imagined looking up at him while buying drugs that he would be the father of my wife, and if that would have for some reason crossed my mind I wouldn't have thought he'd be as important to me as he is.
"Awe man, okay," he says in disappointment. "Do you by any chance know anywhere else we could get a hook up? I-I'm not trying to make it sound like you look like a druggie cause you don't, I just heard that you-"
"I don't, sorry," I say harshly, turning around and jogging up the stairs. Maybe snapping at the kid was unnecessary but anymore of that and I would have been looking for a plug with him. My willpower is definitely wearing thin.
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                            ~Nanny's POV~