AVENIR

Chapter 20: Forgiveness

I stormed down the steps of Enjolras's apartment building, heading for the Musain, bound and determined to put as much distance between myself and Enjolras as possible.  How could a wish have gone so wrong?  I didn't realize how hard it would be for us to get on the same page.  How would I ever save the barricades if we couldn't even agree on a speech to be made months prior?

In my frustration, I sang:

Close enough to start a war

All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for (here, I thought of the barricades)
All that I say, you always say moreI can't keep up with your turning tables
Just wish you could understand me...

Had I ever loved the real Enjolras?  Or had I just idealized the character Victor Hugo had written him as?  Imagined the best parts of him and not the person he was as a whole?  He was certainly the most stubborn person I ever met...no, I could never love him...

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me

No, I won't ask you, you might just desert me

I can't give you, what you want me give to you

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

To turning tables

I arrived at the Musain, hurried to the back room, and placed the old speech on Enjolras's desk, as requested.  I turned to leave, then paused.  Who was he to command me to help him his speeches, then treat me in such a disrespectful manner?  He needed my help, and he didn't like to admit it...but his speeches lacked a spark that I could add.  Rebelliously, I unrolled the new speech, my speech, and placed it on top of the old speech.  Where it belonged.

Enjolras now had a choice to make.  Whichever speech he chose to present tomorrow would show how he felt about me helping him.  We both knew which speech was better for the cause.

I turned to see Jehan watching me.

"Brother," I said, running into his arms.  His hug never felt so good as it did today.  "I didn't see you come in," I said, nuzzling his nose.  I quietly explained the situation to him.  "Hey," I said.  "You won't tell anyone, will you?  About the speeches?"  

He smiled down at me.  "Sister, you are the bravest person I know.  We'll see where Enjolras's loyalties lie.  I won't say a word."

As we headed to my brother's apartment, I looked up at him, and thought silently to myself about how different he was from Enjolras:

Under haunted skies I see you
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I'd brave a hundred storms to save you
As hard as you try, I will be right beside you

If only to save you...

"And something else," Jehan was saying.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I predict the only reason you fought at all is because he is jealous of how close we are," he said.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"He didn't know we were brother and sister, but it seems to me as if you told him and he took out his embarrassment in the form of anger.  Knowing Enjolras a little longer than you, that's what it was," he replied.