Reality

Chapter 13

I squeeze my eyes shut, willing myself to calm down.

"Come on, deep breaths," Joe guides, breathing deep and even with me.

I feel myself relax a little, starting to calm down.

"I still don't know how this happened," I hear Zack mumble, more to himself.

I look past Joe's shoulder to spot Alex standing about thirty feet away from us, observing before hesitantly walking over. His eyes are intense, full of an emotion I can't quite decipher. He doesn't necessarily look angry, but still, my body tenses, mentally preparing for him to come over here and scream at me for ruining things for him, yet again. As he has every right to.

Joe shifts upon feeling my body tense, looking over his shoulder. I feel him slightly tense as well, gently detaching himself from me to turn and face Alex, a hard look on his face.

"Joe," my voice comes out brittle.

Zack takes Joe's place, engulfing me in his arms. "It's ok, princess," he assures, using his childhood nickname for me, kissing the top of my head before tucking it under his chin.

Alex looks right past Joe, looking at me. "Joslyn," he says my name a little breathless.

"Hey," Joe warns, putting his hand on Alex's chest so he doesn't come closer. "Don't even say a word to her. She has nothing to do with this."

"I'm just coming over here to figure out what's going on, Joe," Alex growls, snapping his now glaring eyes to my brother.

"Listen, she doesn't need any more problems right now," Joe says sternly, becoming protective.

Alex lets out a huffed laugh. "Right. Because I'm just a problem. That's all I'll ever be," he says bitterly before shooting me one last meaningful look. He walks off, bumping into his father right at the door. He reaches into Mike's inside breast pocket, pulling out a silver flask, unscrewing the top and taking a swig. Mike's eyes gleam with excitement.

My stomach churns and my heart starts to crack all over again, watching Alex's months of sobriety go down the drain, just like that.

"Joss," Joe stands in front of me, "let's go back to the hotel."

I shake my head, pulling out of Zack's embrace to swipe away any lingering tears. "No, I'm ok."

"Joslyn," Joe warns.

"No, Joe. I'm not letting you guys miss your first award show. Plus, I still have a job to do." I run my hands down my dress, making sure it's pristine.

"I could care less about this award show," Joe argues.

"Joe, we're not leaving. You guys are going to have fun tonight and I'm going to keep my head up, my dignity up, and do my job. I'm not going to let this get the best of me," I insist sternly.

Joe eyes me for a long minute, debating what to do.

"Are you sure you're ok, Joss?" Zack asks, concern consuming his features.

I let out a deep, even breath. "Yes."

Joe worries his lip while he and Zack exchange looks. Its then I realize how grown up they look. Joe is my biological brother while Zack is basically my unofficial adopted brother, and I've watched them grow up together from mischievous little boys, to rowdy punk rock teenagers, to grown men with a promising career in music. Both of them have matured so much over the years, and not just in looks.

It's funny, seeing all the boys dressed up in suits tonight. I don't think I've ever seen them so dressed up in my life. If this moment wasn't so serious, I think I might just laugh. A whole hearted joyous belly laugh. Seriousness and suits? This night is just too arbitrary.