Catalyst

XXIX

"Christmas party planning is starting soon," Dinah leans forward excitedly at breakfast the next morning. She has the same happy, glowing look she always gets at Christmastime. Lauren looks forward to it every year.

"Where'd you get your info?" Ally picks at her biscuit.

"Same place I always get it. Sophia," Dinah shrugs.

"Oh, come on. We know you have way more sources than that," Ally rolls her eyes, tossing the piece of biscuit she'd torn off at Dinah's head. It bounces off her forehead and lands directly into her juice. Dinah gasps dramatically and glares before trading her juice for Ally's.

"Yeah?" Dinah flicks Ally's forehead across the table, "Well, a good journalist doesn't reveal her sources."

Ally gives Dinah the most deadpan look Lauren has ever seen. "Dinah. Are you serious?"

"Yes. Why?"

Camila is laughing as she says, "Having credible, named sources is huge in journalism!"

"Okay, well... I'm not a journalist."

"You just—! Ugh!" Ally places her face into her hands, "You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met."

Camila is laughing so hard she nearly chokes on her juice. Lauren watches with a smile on her face.

The longer she looks at Camila, the more she wants to spill her guts to her. They promised no more secrets. Camila kissed her. She told Lauren they would be together when they get out of here.

Lauren needs to tell her. She needs to tell her.

She feels guilty.

Guilty for keeping this from Camila. And not just her, either. From Ally and Dinah. She feels guilty for breaking her promise to Lucy. The look on her face...

Lauren knows that even now, as she sits at this table, Lucy is done with her. The sad thing is, Lauren doesn't blame her. Best case scenario would have been Lucy accepting Lauren's decision and moving on. But... it can be hard to forgive and forget in a place like this. Lauren of all people understands that.

Lauren thinks Lucy might just need time.

(She hopes that's all it takes.)

Several months ago, Lauren isn't sure she would have reached a point of feeling guilty for not telling Dinah and Ally about her plans with Lucy. Not even if she had gotten caught and taken away from them. That thought alone is enough to stir her feelings of guilt around even more.

She should have told them. Dinah and Ally have given Lauren no reason to think they would ever turn their backs on her. Hell, they probably would have helped.

It occurs to her that Lucy probably thought Lauren would never turn her back on her, either.

Lauren is torn from her thoughts when Camila reaches under the table to grab her hand, regaining her attention and pulling her back into the conversation, "...you think, Lauren?"

Lauren looks between Camila, Dinah and Ally, trying to recall anything her subconscious might have picked up. It comes up blank. "Hm?"

"Woah, there. Come back to us," Dinah narrows her eyes worriedly, "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," Lauren is quick to say, "What are we talking about?"

Camila tries to give Lauren a look, but Lauren just ignores it. She's sure she'll end up hearing more about this later, but right now she's not fully ready to dive into that conversation.