Pearls Of Deen

Disadvantages of dating

In Islam, we are taught everything in the most perfect way. There is wisdom behind why certain things are haraam and halaal (that we are not always aware of as some things are not meant for human knowledge); it is also what could either make or take us away from deen and lead to our destruction.

What is forbidden, has the disadvantages; what is permitted, has the best benefits to it. While any unnecessary interaction with a non mahram is haraam, it has become a norm to have such relationships, starting small at young ages like even 10 (or younger) and having a whole lot of them over the years that go by.

The Islamic perspective isn't really mentioned here, rather a more logical point of view.

No security of commitment. 

There can be no guarantee that the person will stay committed and loyal when they are 'free'. At any possible time they can dump one and move on without regrets.In marriage you have the security of commitment, of pure care, comfort, and growth, which you will not find in a haraam relationship.

The person will not necessarily show all their true colours. Many people may hide details about themselves that they do not want to reveal, or create a fake front that covers ugly facts, just to keep the relationship with the other person. If they don't, they may lose the other person. Some people do that to keep you and use you for their nafs. To get to know a person inside out, is only possible once you live with them.

Wastage

Spending time with a person to "get to know them" is a time waster. You will not know them fully until you live with them, and even then you still learn more and more about them. You don't know whether you will need all the information you have about them as you may not even end up spending your life with them.

Constant calling and texting is wasting time

Being and doing things with them is a waste of energy, you could be doing things of more benefit to your aakhirah instead.

You buy them gifts, sometimes expensive ones like jewelry and luxuries, when you have no certainty you will stay with them and break up, then all that money will be wasted.

You spend your time, money and energy on a person you aren't even married to - the wrong energy and money, and you may regret spending on them.

Attachment to a person that may not even become a part of your life

People in a relationship get attached to each other with no guarantee that they will be together in life. If you break up, you have to work over that temporary attachment.You build 'love' and 'care' and 'affection' to a person that you may have to leave all of that behind.

Break-ups..and rumours that come with it

If you happen to break up, you will have to work over all those emotions and pull yourself together as your heart is 'broken'.

You will feel down/sad/betrayed/angry. Some people will speak about your relationship that ended and it may leave you sour and distressed. Simply put, you experience negative emotions which could have been avoided.

Some people even visit therapists to get over it..........

Emotional control

Very likely that your partner will be able to blackmail you emotionally to do things with them/spend time with them when you have friends and family and other responsibilities.Again...negativity builds up because resentment may settle in.

Gaining experience and then being dissatisfied with your spouse when you get married. Being in a relationship very often means that you will do things (one thing leads to the next - following point) and have an experience of things that will stay with you forever.

Once you are married, after already going through these things, you may not like your spouse's way, and crave for what you once had, that leads to looking for that satisfaction in the wrong places.

Knowing too much of a thing can spoil surprises that marriage holds.

One thing leads to the next

When a haraam relationship becomes acceptable, the talking does, then after a while a handshake does too, then a hug...then after some time the whole vile act does.

Useless responsibilities

You make it incumbent upon yourself to make the person your responsibility when they are not. They become a priority, and in the process spend less time with your family. You may push someone in your family away when they reprimand you, and you may not realise it. You lose out on quality time with near and dear ones because you are too engrossed in the 'responsibility' you took upon yourself.

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Assalaamu alaikum.

Yes, I'm back!! (kinda!)