Beautiful Mess (Book II)

Chapter twenty-eight

This chapter is dedicated to my best friend Hermel because its her 19th birthday today! Happy birthday taffiy here's to annoying each other for many years to come.

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"I am addicted to you. I have tasted your mind and I cannot forget its flavor."

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•Kyle•

While Rae is telling Jess and I about her grandparents, I can't help but stare at her in awe. Even when she finishes talking and waits for our reaction, I'm too stunned to say anything.

How could she forgive them this easily?

Jess gapes at her too for a moment, at a loss for words. "Wow... so you're... you're gonna keep talking to them and stuff?"

"They're my family now, of course I'll keep talking to them," Rae says like she can't believe someone would ask that kind of question.

She glances at me expectantly, but I still keep quiet. "Kyle, what's wrong?"

I shake my head as I continue to stare at her. "Nothing. I'm just... amazed. I mean, all this time you were trying to convince me to forgive my mother, I thought it was because you've never had to forgive anyone who caused you so much pain. I thought if you were in my shoes, you wouldn't be able to forgive either. And now... you forgave them even though you lost everything because of them. Yeah, they didn't mean for it to happen, but they were still the cause for it. I would blame them for everything if I were you. But you..."

Rae puts her hand on top of mine. "You can't compare what you went through to my situation though. It's not the same thing-"

"I know, I know. But still. If you're this willing to give them a chance and consider them family even though they've never been in your life, then maybe I should do the same with my mother."

Jess widenes her eyes at me and I freeze for a moment, realising what I just said.

Did I just decide to forgive her?

"Really?" Rae smiles so big her cheeks must be hurting. "You'd do that?"

I look at Jess, as if I can read the answer on her face. Her hesitation is clear, but she runs her hands through her hair and sighs.

"She saved my baby's life by stopping me from making such a stupid decision that I would've regretted later on in life. So if you're willing to try to start over with her, Kyle, then I don't see why I shouldn't."

I'm still not a hundred percent sure about my sudden decision, but this is the first time in five years that I've even considered the idea of forgiving my mother. So this is a start. It counts for something, right?

* * *

Another week has passed, but we still haven't heard from Trevor. Jess has been a complete mess, and neither Rae nor I could make her feel better. Shelley's wedding is tomorrow, but even Rae can't be excited about it while Jess is suffering like this.

While the three of us are watching TV, Ray goes into our bedroom to use the bathroom.

There's a knock on the door a few minutes later, and Jess and I share a glance before I get up to open it. I'm surprised to see Trevor standing there with a blank look on his face.

We don't greet each other. I just look back at Jess while she gives me a questioning look from the couch. She can't see him at first, but then he walks in and she quickly jumps up.

"Trev," she breathes out, taking a step forward.

He puts his hand up and makes her pause. "Did you do it yet? Is it... is it gone?" But before Jess can answer him, he takes a step towards her. "Wait, don't tell me. I want you to know something, that's why I'm here. So listen to me, okay?"

Her face drops, tears already forming in her eyes. I want to give them some privacy, but I can't move. I have to hear what he's going to say to her. I'm dreading the next moment. He can't break her heart right now. Not after her decision to keep their baby.

Rae walks out of the bedroom, and freezes at the sight of them. And then she glances at me and I shake my head to let her know I have no idea what's going to happen. The two of us keep staring at them as Trevor starts speaking.

"Jess, I want kids. So much. You know that. I want a family and I want it with you. Only you." He takes another step forward, but there's still a few feet distance between them, as if they're afraid to touch each other without sorting out their problem first.

"But no matter how much I want that, that desire doesn't even come close to how much I love you. I love you, Jess. I love you so much that it physically hurts to be apart from you. The past week has been... hell. I missed you so much. I even missed fighting with you. You're a pain sometimes but I want you to annoy me for the rest of my life, Jess."

She laughs through her tears and he continues. "I thought if I went away for a while and spend some time alone, I could clear my head and think things through. And I did. Yeah I wanted you to keep the baby. It's ours. Our own little child. I didn't want you to get rid of it. But... I realised something. Family, kids, a home... I don't want those things unless it's with you. If you're not with me, I can't be happy. It's ridiculous but it's like I can't even imagine who I was before I met you, how the hell I managed to function. What made me happy? What did I look forward to? Whose opinion mattered to me the most? It's like I don't remember that Trevor and I don't ever wanna be him again. Maybe that's not good for me, but I don't care. I wanna be the Trevor with Jess on his side. Never on his own again."

Even though Trevor's back is turned to me, I hear him sniff and realize that he's crying. Jess has tears running down her cheeks too, but she doesn't bother to wipe them away.

"So, I came here to tell you, that even if you're going to get an abortion, or you already have done it, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. The last few days I've been thinking of coming here and begging you to change your mind. But I realised, I didn't want to force you into anything. If you're not happy, I'm not happy. I don't know why you're so against the idea of us having kids. At first I used to think maybe you're not ready- we're still young and maybe all that would happen in the future. But during the last few months I started realising that you don't even consider the idea. But I just wanna be with you, Jess. That's all I want. Everything else... I can manage without it. But without you, I can't--" he chocks up, and Jess lets out a small whimper.

"Trev, I'm keeping the baby."

I can't see the look on his face, but from the way Rae is smiling at the sight I can clearly imagine it.

"What?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "You... you didn't go through with the abortion? It's still... Our baby's still alive, in there?"

Jess laughs through her tears and holds her stomach with both hands. "Yeah, it's alive and kicking. Well it's not kicking yet, but you know what I mean."

Trevor chuckles and puts his hand over his mouth as he processes the information. Jess doesn't waste a second closing the distance between them. She wraps her hands around his neck and he hugs her back just as tight.

I glance at Rae and she walks towards me. She's grinning with happy tears forming in her eyes. While Trevor and Jess start kissing like their life depends on it, I hug her closer to my side.

"Okay!" Rae clasps her hands when they finally pull apart. "Not to ruin the moment, but we have a wedding to attend. Let's go shopping before it gets dark!"

The rest of us chuckle, and Trevor carefully rests his palm on Jess's still flat stomach. "Sounds good to me."