fifty six

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"liam texted me, he's going to be here in a few minutes," louis said excitedly, tugging on harry's shirtsleeve and putting his phone back in his pocket. harry could smell the peppermint schnapps on his breath, although it was only an hour into the night. still, he leaned into the older boy's touch, smiling when louis kissed his cheek. 

"angel, don't you wanna talk to zayn and niall? you haven't seen them in forever."

harry stared straight ahead, nodding. something didn't feel right, he just didn't know what it was. it was a tugging sensation at the bottom of his stomach and he definitely did not like it. he didn't tell louis this, just nodded once more and met his blue eyes for a few seconds, before louis was walking away and leaving him alone. he felt empty, right away. his left arm was cold, his heart aching for louis' presence, as if it would rid the awful feeling in his gut. louis was his protector, the only person he felt completely safe around. and now he was leaving to go talk to his his new donny friends. 

he frowned sadly, reaching over the bar in the kitchen to grab a mini candy cane. he unwrapped it slightly, sticking the end in his mouth and letting the taste of peppermint overcome his senses. he could see niall and zayn having an intense conversation with a few other lads in the corner, and they were obviously on the same side. harry could recall them gaining up on him like that whenever they were trying to decide what restaurant they were going to go to. harry recognized one of the boys, but he didn't want to think too much about it. he was already exhausted from staying up last night.

"hi harry."

harry looked up through his lashes, pulling his candy cane out of his mouth slowly and licking his lips. a little light slipped out of his curls and hit him in the forehead. he didn't try to fix it.

"hi," he said quietly, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. the room was becoming suffocating, and he tried not to look to frantic as he searched for louis. he finally saw the boy standing in a corner of the flat, his arms hugged around himself, and he was laughing really loudly at something.

harry recognized the person standing in front of him as the same one he saw that was talking to niall and zayn. just the way he smiled made harry's hands shake. harry couldn't even look him in the eye, that's how freaking lame he was. he felt like he was at school again, where everybody around him judged him for his lack of social skills. it wasn't a good feeling, no; he looked at his hands and played with his fingers as he waited for the boy to say something.

the worst thing was, he didn't expect to see the boy again. he thought that after the boy graduated everything would be okay. why did louis even invite him here? he wanted to tell louis that it wasn't okay, but that wasn't his right. was it? did boyfriend's tell each other who they were allowed to invite to a party? he didn't want to be clingy or over-protective or bossy.

but he also was really upset that louis invited him.

harry scowled at him, cowering in on himself as signals to run away overcame him. he felt cornered, and he desperately wanted to run into louis' room and hide. he couldn't read the look on the taller, bigger boy's face, and that scared him even more. he hated trying to read people. he hated it.

"are you normal yet?" was what harry heard after a few moments of silence, and he stepped back as if he had been slapped. he didn't say anything though, just continued to stare at the ground.

"oh, so you didn't grow out of it? did it get worse? i see you can't talk. so sad, autism sucks, doesn't it?"

harry took another step backwards, each blow hitting him worse than the first.

"do you hear what i'm saying? i hear your brain doesn't work right. freak."

harry flickered his eyes back and forth and blinked them rapidly, because wow he forgot how much this hurt.

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