Improper Grammar & Getting to Know You

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To: Payne in my ass: hey i got some news, my family's hosting another family dinner this saturday and my brother and his fiancé will be there. they're going over wedding plans

From: Payne in my ass: Who is this?

To: Payne in my ass: zayn malik jackass

From: Payne in my ass: Sorry, I don't know a zayn malik jackass.

To: Payne in my ass: -_- ur annoying af

From: Payne in my ass: Excuse you, and who are you, seriously?

To: Payne in my ass: omfg its zayn u moron!

From: Payne in my ass: Oh...your improper grammar is sickening.

To: Payne in my ass: too fucking bad:p

From: Payne in my ass: Jesus, you text like a teenager.

To: Payne in my ass: and u text like my grandma

From: Payne in my ass: Good to know, now what is the plan for this family dinner, Mr. Malik?

To Payne in my ass: the plan is to schmooze my parents. ur gonna tell them about ur job and ur perfect little rich life and theyre gonna like u. ur also gonna compliment my mom on her cooking. she loves that:)

From: Payne in my ass: So basically you want me to brag about myself?

To: Payne in my ass: pretty much...

From: Payne in my ass: Well, I think its also important to know stuff about you, Mr. Malik. What if your parents ask a question about you to me and I don't know the answer? That'll be pretty shady, especially since we're "boyfriends", therefore I think its important that we get to know each other.

To Payne in my ass: ...ok sure whatever

From: Payne in my ass: Lose the attitude, Mr. Malik and get your stubborn ass downtown to the La Cerveceria. We're going out to eat and we're going to try, key word: try, to have a normal conversation with each other.

To: Payne in my ass: i think we're having a pretty normal conversation right now

From: Payne in my ass: I don't count this as a normal conversation, owning to the fact that your grammar is like a two year old.

To: Payne in my ass: whatever! what time do u want me to meet u at this restaurant?

From: Payne in my ass: Come in exactly an hour, at 12:30. I will not tolerate tardiness, Mr. Malik. So I just suggest you get off that game system of yours, get dressed, and get that ass of yours down here.

To: Payne in my ass: ...how tf did u know i was playing xbox?

From: Payne in my ass: I didn't, but now I do. Now stop texting me, I'm about to drive and head to the restaurant, which is what you should be doing. Goodbye, Mr. Malik and please dress accordingly. This is a prestigious restaurant. The last thing I want is for the press to be seeing me with a bum.

>>>

I pull up at the restaurant five minutes late. Hey, don't blame me. I'm Zayn Malik, I'm always late. I hop out my shitty car and scan the area, seeing seas of photographers crowding the entrance to the restaurant. Damn. I power walk over and push through people politely as I can, which isn't polite at all, and enter.

Tons of eyes turn to me and my cheeks burn red. I stuff my hands into my pockets and head to the hostess.

"Hi, welcome to La Cerveceria. How may I help you on this fine day?" The hostess greets.

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