Avoiding The Player

Nineteen

For the past weeks I've been recieving random stuffs left on my doorstep, on my desk, sometimes stuffs are given to me by random people. Pag tatanungin ko naman sila either di nila bubuka bibig nila or sasabihing "He's Sorry". Minsan naman bago ko pa matanong nakatakbo na nang mabilis.

Hayy..

Hula ko si Frank. Pero walang nagko-confirm sa akin if I'm right with my assumptions or not.

But whoever that person is, thank you. Thank you kasi with those simple efforts and small things you are able to make me smile. Thank you for those bars of chocolates that made me hyperactive on days that I'm feeling a little gloomy. Thank you for those roses that somewhat made me feel like I'm special. Thank you for those pieces of paper with encouraging words that strengthen me and gave me hope.

Because of those things, I am looking forward to every day. It makes me feel excited.

Today is Monday. Last week nalang namin bago mag Christmas break. Pag dating ko ng classroom pumunta agad ako sa upuan ko, and to my surprise... walang nakalagay. Hmm... Baka sa mga susunod ko pang klase.

Natapos ang klase ko and lilipat na ako ngayon sa susunod kong room, naghihintay ako nang tatakbo palapit sakin pero wala. Is it weird dahil binabagalan ko yung lakad ko papuntang kabilang room kasi baka merong magbigay sa akin?

Pero nakarating na ako ng room wala pa rin. Pati sa upuan ko wala.

Ano kayang meron? Buong maghapon akong naghihintay pero ni isang papel wala. Di ko rin napansin si Frank, siguro masyado ko lang iniisip kung bakit wala yung mga stuffs...

Feeling ko talaga si Frank yung nagbibigay ng mga 'yun e...

Buong week akong naghihintay pero wala na ni isa akong natanggap. Pati si Frank ay matahimik lang at mukang medyo malungko or worried. Haayy... Ewan ko pero bigla rin akong nalungkot.

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Last day na nang examinations, at kakatapos lang ng last test namin. Nasagutan ko ang mga exam, at nasagot ko na rin kung bakit ako nalulungkot.

Hindi naman totoo na kung kelan nawala yung isang tao o bagay dun lang natin marerealize yung worth nila, ang totoo sa una palang alam na natin worth nila pero di natin ineexpect na dadating yung time na aalis sila.

We lost our communication pero alam kong siya ang sumusuyo sakin at nagpapasorry using those little things that he gives me everyday. Alam kong sinabi ko sakanya one time that I don't want to talk to him, and true to his words... hindi na niya nga ako kinausap. But he's using non-verbal cues na hindi siya susuko sa pagpapa sorry.

I know it's weird, kahit ako nawe-weirduhan kasi kung makapag sorry siya kala mo ang laki ng kasalanan niya, kung makapag sorry siya todo effort na parang may relasyon kami. That's how he got me, that's how confusing he is, that's how I thought that we're feeling the same...

Maybe I should talk to him. Or I should fix myself first.

Tip #12: Convince yourself. Wait it out. Infatuation stays alive for only as long as you feed it, with thoughts, emotions and fantasies. If you've truly made up your mind that you can't, or don't want to, see a future with this person, it's only a matter of time before the feeling of infatuation starts to disappear.

Do I really love Frank more than friends or am I just infatuated?

Do I want him to be my boyfriend? Yes.

Do I think he likes that too? No.

Do I love him more than friends? Uhh.. Yes?

Am I infatuated? I don't know. Maybe?

Am I confused? The one thing I'm sure.