dear diary | jihan

𝗌𝗂𝗑𝗍𝖾𝖾𝗇

"how's your life, hannie?" jisoo asks, holding a cardboard roll to jeonghan's mouth.

"amazing. i've got my best friend beside me, an loving dad and my mom and sister. what else could i want?"

"marriage?" jisoo joked.

jeonghan scoffed. "please."

"what? a man like you deserves a fomidable and strong husband!"

"where have you been learning all those fancy words from?" jeonghan raises an eyebrow.

"oh, me and your dad have been getting lessons from your mom. you should join in, it's fun."

"you're practically part of the family now, hong. or should i say, yoon," jeonghan grins.

"you're becoming a hong too. mom won't shut up about you. she think you're so brave and amazing and beautiful and bla-bla."

"i'm beautiful?" jeonghan asks, letting go of the sheet he was folding.

"you doubt it? i thought you valued your appearance over everyone else's," jisoo says.

"yeah but... am i really?" jeonghan asks.

"you, jeonghan," jisoo cups the boy's face in his hands, "are the most beautiful person on this planet."

"i thought that honour belonged to you?" jeonghan says, picking up the sheet.

"how's therapy coming along? you're nore cheerful than usual."

jeonghan had been getting therapy for about six months now. of course, his mental state wasn't much better, but he was learning how to cope with all the emotions and feelings. he felt stronger, and more in control of himself and his state of being.

"it's going great. i feel like i can actually control myself now."

"that's good. you won't try to kill any of my future girlfriends?" jisoo jokes.

"if i'm your future girlfriend, then i already sort of have."

"han-" jisoo's voice falters.

"what? it was a joke."

"but han-"

"don't get too emotional there, shua. i'm healing. bringing all this up again won't help."

he feels jisoo give him a backhug, and nuzzles his own head into the boy's fluffy brown hair.

"are you feeling better?" jisoo cooes in jeonghan's ear.

"shua-yah, you can't just hug or kiss trauma away. it takes time," jeonghan says.

"yes, but are you feeling better?"

"hm, yes. i really am," jeonghan smiled.
.
.

"jeonghannie, what are we?" jisoo asks.

jeonghan stares at him. "what?"

"i mean, what are we? we kinda left off with, um, animosity," jisoo says.

"it's only animosity if both sides hate each other," jeonghan says, turning his gaze back at the sky.

jisoo and jeonghan are sitting on jisoo's balcony, stargazing. they're wrapped in a blanket and drinking hot cocoa, as jeonghan always liked it.

he had missed this feeling. it feels so good to have it back.

"but... what are we?" jisoo places his hand on jeonghan's.

"best friends. we've always been best friends."

"oh." there's slight disappointment in jisoo's voice.

"did you want something else?" jeonghan grins, not taking his eyes off the stars.

"stop looking up there, will you? your brightest star is right here," jisoo tugs on jeonghan's sweater.

jeonghan wraps his arms around jisoo. "we're best friends, okay?"

"okay." jisoo lets out a sigh of relief.

"i'm so happy, jisoo. i'm so fucking happy-"

"language," jisoo whispers.

language is the last thing on their minds as their eyes meet.

"let's put all this behind us? we'll forget we ever stopped talking," jisoo says.

"are you crazy? how could i forget that? if i forget, i can't use chaesol as a means of blackmailing you," jeonghan grins.

"your smile does enough blackmailing anyways," jisoo mutters.

"what was that?" jeonghan asks.

"nothing?"

"hong jisoo," jeonghan leans in. "you think i'm naïve?"

"nope. you're my stubborn, idiotic, beautiful best friend," jisoo says, puckering his lips a bit.

"gross," jeonghan laughs, before kissing jisoo anyway.

when they part, jeonghan lets out a small exhale.

"if you'd told the jeonghan from three months ago that he'd have all this, he wouldn't have believed it."

"but you're here," jisoo says.

"yeah. i am. i survived, didn't i?"

"you seem awfully okay for all you've been through," jisoo notices.

"i'm not okay, joshuji. everything still hurts. but... there's always a rainbow at the end of a storm, right? this is that. i'm reaching the end, joshuji. and you'll be there to reach it with me."

"yes, yes jeonghan. yes i will," jisoo says.

jeonghan doesn't even realise he's tearing up. all the emotions...

"sh-shua, i survived! i came out alive and happy and i'm okay-"

"there, there, hannie," jisoo cuddles jeonghan, comforting him.

"i'm living a normal life. i-i have a loving family, i have you, i can finally dream of getting married and having my own babies, i'm a survivor, shua!"

"you are." jisoo looks at jeonghan with pride.

"or am i? i-i hate myself jisoo, i-" jeonghan shakes his head. "no. no jeonghan, jisoo loves you, your parents love you, jungah loves you, i love you."

"you weren't lying when you said you were doing better, huh?" jisoo comments.

jeonghan looks up at him, and turns limp in his arms.

"y-yeah. just hold me, shua? hold me as i sleep. i want to sleep. i want to see sweet dreams. happy dreams. when i wake up, i want to see your beautiful face again."

jisoo nods as he tightly holds jeonghan in his arms.

jeonghan's eyes start to shut.

"i-i love myself."

and with those words, jeonghan falls asleep, under the stars, jisoo wrapped around him.