Perfect AND Pain

21- Hope"?"

I had a parrot named Mithu which means sweetie in my language and he spoke- he learned the words "Mithu". His own name. And "Churi Khani ah?" Which meant "Wanna eat Churi?" I don't know what Churi is but- he's dead- I killed him and starved him sksksksksk
—
3rd Person
POV

The bell rang, indicating it was time for class.
Hinata didn't wish to return to class, but he had to.
Knowing if Taro found out he skipped the class, Hinata would be in trouble.

He slowly walked, watching out for Kageyama.

Hinata Shouyo
POV

I slowly walked to my classroom, trying to be quick enough, but sneaky enough not to be caught by Kageyama,
He didn't have to be so nosy about everything.
I started walking faster, hoping to NOT be late for class.

As I reached the classroom, I sighed.
I opened the door.

After class
Should I skip practice?
No... what if my dad finds out?
What if the team gets worried?
But I need to avoid Kageyama...

I decided to tell coach Ukai,
As I walked into the gym,
There seemed to be nobody but two, Sugawara and Yamaguchi.
They were talking about something.

My eyes then caught a blond man,
Ukai!

I ran up to him,
"I'm not feeling well.... may I take some time off of volleyball?"
He looked at me in shock.
"Must be a bad sickness for you to want to go home for volleyball!"
He said as he patted my head.
"Are you sure? Training will be hard when you come back!"

"I'm okay with that." I said averting my eyes to the wall.
I caught a frown from the corner of my eye.
"Alright, I'll tell the team. Hope you get better." He sighed.
I ran off as he waved to me.

-
I walked home, coming up with an excuse that would sound realistic.
"Hm... maybe... we won't have practice for a while?"
That sounded real to me.

As I opened the door, I was welcomed by a STRONG smell of alcohol.
(Y'all know the FRICKING STRONG ASF SMELL OF ALCOHOL HAND SANITIZER? YEAH, 10X STRONGER THAN THAT)

Then my ears welcome sounds of groaning and moaning.
I quickly ran to the kitchen door, not bothering with my shoes, and peeked my head through only to find my father with a woman...

I didn't get a clear view of her face since my father was cornering her face literally, but she appeared to have blond hair.

I went to the front door, took off my shoes and ran upstairs.
I slammed my door open and quietly shut it as I walked inside.
Throwing my bag onto the floor, I wanted to release the anger inside of me.

I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it,
"AAHHHHHHHHH! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE! ALL OF YOU DIE!"
"I HATE YOU AHH"
Tears flowed down my cheeks.

I suddenly got up and opened my drawer,
(TW: Self harm)

I swiftly grabbed the razor blade and cut it through my arms,
My tears, making me unable to see clearly, made me unfocused.

I couldn't clearly see where I was cutting on my arms, but I didn't care.
I wanted to hit that spot, vein, part.
I wanted the hit the part that killed me.

I threw the razor blade down and fell on the floor.
I shut my eyes tight,
I don't know why, why.
Why
Why
Why

Why does Kageyama have to be happy.
Why does everyone get a good life.
Why do I have to be like this?
I don't wanna exist.

But...
I opened my eyes,
I don't have the guts to kill myself.
I'm afraid.

What if eventually, everything will be okay.
What if eventually, my dad will change.
What if eventually, I'll be happier?

I don't want to die,
I'm scared I'll miss out on happiness.
I don't know anybody whose on my side anymore.

I still have the hope left.
As I made my final thought, I was forced to shut my eyes.

(He ain't dead yall)