Shadewylf

16 - Helpless

It took Lexi far too long to join the fight.

For what felt like hours she crouched there, hidden in the undergrowth, trying and failing to force her limbs to carry her into the midst of the fray. Every step she took was countered by a hesitant shuffle back. Every time she looked up at them, her heart flowed with new fear.

What use would she be, anyway? She could barely fight. Her claws were short and stunted from hours of work in the lab. While Thirty-Four's father had always pushed him to practice using his natural weapons, her parents had always been content to allow her to choose that path, if she wished. Which she never had.

It seemed stupid now to think that making a change in the world wouldn't involve a battle.

The thoughts only pressed down on her, rooting her paws in place. The more the Twilytra struggled, the more guilty she felt, yet still the courage to step out of those trees escaped her grasp.

Her gaze flitted to the hut, now an island in a sea of snarling warriors. Usually, she would be so proud to have figured something out before it happened, but now she longed for time to reverse and her suspicions to be wrong. Predicting Briar's betrayal hadn't prevented it from happening.

Another sign of how helpless she was.

Ducking even lower, she let her eyes roam the battlefield. Fiammetta was still locked in combat with Jaser, sparks of flame deocrating the clearing as they clashed. Two Shadewylves were swiping at Thea, prevented from fully reaching her by the swarm of twigs and stones she pelted them with, her magic moving faster than Lexi had ever thought possible. At the edge of the trees, Dawn was fending off a further three - though she didn't seem to be fighting back, in all the time Lexi had watched she hadn't seen a single wolf land a hit on the Mystwylf.

When Angel was lifted from the ground, grasped by a black-winged Airewylf, she staggered even further backwards. Why would the Shadewylves want to recruit wolves of other Pelts? From the stories, she remembered them to be very loyal to Shadow, and only Shadow. Had time changed that?

She was sifting through her memories, searching for some mention in the war documents she'd read of wolves switching sides, when a sudden movement broke her concentration. A gasp escaped her as the brown blur sped past. Katana had come to fight.

As she leapt, tackling one of the Shadewylves edging towards Thea, her newly-sealed scars glinted in the risen sun. She'd barely recovered from her last fight with the black wolves, and already she was throwing herself into another one. 

Guilt twisted Lexi's heart. Steeling her paws for what was probably the tenth time, she prepared again to run out of the woods. Just like before, her forepaws barely twitched before settling back, shrinking away from the snarling fangs of Katana's opponent.

No. Stop. Shaking her head, she tensed again. The sound of her father's voice floated to the surface, whispering to a five-moon-old Peltless as she hesitated before a street full of playing pups. Take a deep breath, and just do it. Don't think. Don't consider what could go wrong. Go out there and hold your head up high, and no-one can ever fault you.

She drew her shoulders back. She lifted her snout up. Her eyes rested on Katana: not a spec of fear in her eyes as she struck out at a second wolf, not a wince of pain as claws met her flank, not even a limp in her weakened legs. That was bravery. That was heroism.

That was who Lexi desperately wanted to be.

With the echo of her father still ringing in her ears, she took a deep breath and leaped.

The action only took her a few pawsteps, but even then she kept running, the pound of her paws muffled by her thumping heart. She let the lightning she kept hidden inside spring to the surface, making her golden fur tingle with energy. Even the tiny lapse of the tight control she held over the power set her on edge, but still she kept pushing forwards.