Wolfe

Chapter 49: In Between Us.

    It's been a week since he's gone. Nothing makes sense without him. I cling onto his shirt burying my nose into it. "Enough Esmèrald! Get up!" I cling onto his shirt tears soaking it. "You don't understand. You don't" my heart races, I'm clutching onto my neck, I don't feel at ease. My wolf is crying silently, she keeps licking her tears. His mother gets on her knees. "You need to eat something child, you have a pup to wean. How long will you wait for for him by the door? Your wounds need to heal" I don't even hear the rest of what she says. My heart clenches as I long to touch him. It hurts. So. Bad. Pray that I go and never come back Esmèralda. My wild howls deeply, I feel light headed. My breaths become slower. If anything happens to him because of me, I'll never able to forgive myself. My eyes bleed from the tears they have been leaking.

I'm a trash person. I don't deserve to be loved when all I do I hurt him again and again and again. All he ever did was love me. Sure he made mistakes, he broke me. But he was the one who fixed me. He was the one who loved me when I hated myself the most. He was the one who was always there. And all I did was accuse him of something so vile. My shoulders shake as I cry again, pressing his shirt onto my nose. My wolf howls silently too broken to react, hiding her face with her tail. She's hiding her pain. I've never seen like this.

Why does this hurt so much? Why does my heart hurt so much? His mothers face softens as she sees me rubbing my chest, her hand caresses my head softly. "It's going to be ok. He's going to come back soon" "you don't understand, I can't listen to him. I can't feel him. He's cut me off. I can't breathe" pain surges through me and I press his shirt harder to my nose. His scent makes my wolf rumble in need, she almost sounds like a little cat purring which hates with all of her soul.

"You need to understand girl. It's what mates do. They fight and they always find a way back" "I hurt him. He didn't deserve any of it. I shouldn't have listened to him" "listened to whom my darling" my darling. I sob harder. "The graula" her hand on my hand freezes. "Esmèralda" her voice comes out stiff. "When did he say that to you?" I can hear the sound of her hear bear racing. She's holding me like I'm made of glass, afraid that she might lose me.
"After the war. He told me vile things" disgust crawls onto my skin and I hide my face in my hands. "I spewed words of hatred on my mates face the first thing I woke up. I can never forgive myself for this" she pulls me to her chest.

"Shhhh. It's ok my child. It's ok. You don't know. It's not something you can control" I feel her tears on my shoulders. Blood rushes to my ears as anger surges into me along with hate for myself. "I have full control over what I say-" her hands reach for my face. "You don't understand. He was pulling himself to you. Your soul was fighting. On one end it was your mate on the other it was him. He planted the seed of hatred in your mind to make you hate your mate. To make you believe that what he had to offer you was much better than what your fate had in store for you. You've fought your way back to your mate. Tell me if it wasn't for your love what would it be for? It isn't your fault. Don't let him do that to you. Don't let him break you"

My breaths slowly calm down at her words my face is wet with tears. I hug his shirt tighter. "How will I-how will he-" I can't find the right words to speak. "He loves you too much to not understand. Make him look into your soul. Let him know what you've been through. Let him know it wasn't you. I know my male, he has a soft heart. He'll forgive you. Give him time" my chest feels as if there's a stone on it. More time? I feel like I'm dying. Getting shot with an arrow was easier. I can't breathe. I can't move. Someone walks towards me. Mari. My throat knots as I look at her walking slowly towards me, her pup in her hand. "Shemi" her voice is soft as she looks at before she bows down before the dowager Queen.

Marianne puts her hand on her head as a blessing. She immediately looks at. "Please get up. Please eat something. How much longer will you sit over here like this by the door? It's been a week!  Please get up" her voice is laced with concern. Tears leak out of my eyes. I'm not moving until he comes back to me. I need to inhale his scent. I need to burry my nose in his neck. I need to kiss him until nothing makes sense. Why doesn't any one understand? I can hardly breathe without him. I need him. My soul needs him.