°• 𝙰𝙻𝙱𝚄𝙼 𝙰𝚁𝚃 •°[ 𝚣𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢 ]

It's not living ☁️

ZAYN

And all I do is sit and think about you
If I knew what you'd do
Collapse my veins wearing beautiful shoes
It's not living if it's not with you
All I do is sit and drink without you
If I choose then I lose
Distract my brain from the terrible news
It's not living if it's not with you

I can't stop sweating or control my feet
Got a twenty-stone monkey that I just can't beat
I can stage a situation, but I just can't eat
And there's a feeling, you're replacin' embracin'

He was sat watching a movie with Joe and was completely incapable of concentrating on what was going on on the screen cause his mind was still fixated on the actual travesty that evening had been. He had called Joe over to spend the evening with him after a tiring day at the office and things had gradually escalated to them both being pressed up together, panting, barely clothed and in his bed however when the time came to finally rid the last layer of clothing he felt himself completely freeze and Joe was quick to notice his sudden apparent loss of interest,  Zayn didn't understand what had gone wrong he was completely ready and looking forward to wherever the night was going, considering his gruelling schedule and Joe's recent visit to Anaheim for some convention prevented them from doing anything of a sexual nature for nearly a week now but suddenly as Joe went to remove that last layer he found himself imagining being in the arms of someone else and that had caused him to completely freeze and the growing interest in his pants to deflate instantly. Joe being the ever understanding absolute gem of a boyfriend suggested they relax, cuddle and just watch a movie instead, insisting that he wasn't going to push Zayn to do anything he wasn't 100% interested in. It was this thoughtfulness that made Zayn realise he would have to come clean to Joe, he couldn't keep stringing him along when he had now come to admit to himself that he clearly had some feelings for Harry, regardless of the fact that these feelings were more than likely not going to lead to anything . Joe was an absolutely amazing human being and he didn't deserve to have only 50% of his significant other's attention.

Deciding what needed to be done and seeing that doing it as early as possible rather than doing it later was going to hurt both of them less in the long run he looked up at Joe from where he had been laying on his chest. He began by putting his hand gently on Joe's cheek and rubbing his cheekbone with his thumb which caused Joe to look down at him with a slight smile, with a heavy heart he said, " We need to talk." Joe turned the T.V. off and the both of them sat up holding each other's hands and Zayn started by expressing how much he did truly love him and how much the past years he has spent with him has meant to him before he started to tell him about the changes he has been going through the past few months and all of his dilemmas and thoughts he hasn't understood. They both started crying silent tears at some point as the grip they had on each other's hands seemed to get tighter. It's like they were trying to mend themselves physically while knowing nothing could really be done. Zayn had been done saying everything he thought he had to say and they had moved from hand holding to an embrace at some point and they just sat there in each other's arms sobbing and mourning the loss they had both gone through.

Eventually Joe let go of Zayn, held him by the shoulders, looked into his eyes and said, " You are one of the kindest and warmest people I have ever met, you put your heart into anything you want to do and you're one of the bravest people I have met. I am so glad I got to see you grow from the shy but adorable boy I met all of those years ago to the absolutely gorgeous boy working his dream job now. Know I hold no grudges against you and I am thankful you came clean to me before you ended up doing something I might not have been able to have forgiven you for. I love you." Then with a last kiss on his lips he got up off of the couch and went to collect his coat and put his shoes back on as Zayn watched still crying, just before leaving he turned around and said, " Regardless of whether you decide to tell him or not I think Harry is one lucky man and I will always be here and you can always come to me for advice or anything else you might need." and then with a soft chuckle he adds, "Hold off on relationship advice for a few months maybe, just till my heart heals."  And he is gone and Zayn is  left on his couch his sobs getting louder as the minutes pass by.