Wild Cards (JJBA Villains x Reader)

2- The Cards Get Curious

Falling asleep atop a desk is never a very flattering sight.

Papers are strewn everywhere, as though dumped atop the wooden desk amidst a storm and left to go wild. A cup full of identical pens is knocked onto its side, one of the bunch lazily held between gloved fingers, its movement having swiveled to a stop not too long ago.

You've heard the term 'workaholic' when people ask about you frequently, but you were never too positive you fit into that stereotype. You're not a workaholic, you try to convince yourself; You're just passionate!

Passionate enough to end up passed out on your desk at two in the morning.

"Honestly, it's a bit pathetic." A voice grumbled at the sight. "But it explains their eyebags."

"Kars, keep your voice down. We're just here to see what the noise was, and now that we've discovered it was just a cup getting knocked over, we can leave."

Kira watched with a growing agitation as Kars completely ignored what had been said, almost as though he didn't hear it at all. Hell, he would've assumed that was the case, until he saw him flip him off in response.

It was a peculiar situation, though far from favorable. They weren't trusted not to run off and try to escape their debts, so the two spare rooms that were available just a few feet down the hall became their living quarters. Now, while most of the debtors aren't so stupid as to try that, Kira knew there were a special few that'd take their chance... He's sure he doesn't need to name them to know.

"And look what we have here. Job listings." Kars hummed to himself, slyly pulling a few sheets from beneath your arm. "Now, let's see..."

"You really shouldn't be doing that, just put it back and let's get to bed before Mx. (Y/n) wakes up and sees you."

"I'm not gonna take that long, just give me a second... Ooh, what's this?"

Not only did he manage to get his hands on the job listings for everyone, he also managed to snag their evaluations form their first day. Everyone swapped between different job positions throughout the day to see what they were best at, kept under your close watch to see who was fit for what.

It seemed that Pucci was going to take over the 'Cook' position, Diego becoming a 'Horse Race Monitor', Kira a 'Bartender' alongside Doppio, and Dio an... 'Entertainer.' The rest of the lists were mainly thoughts and suggestions on what the remaining employees are to do, though there was something that struck him curious.

'Secretary/Assistant' was highlighted in a hideous yellow, circled a good couple times to emphasize its importance; Though it didn't seem that any of the men he knew were given that job. Was it reserved? Were you waiting to see who was capable?

Brushing it off for the time being, Kars turned his attention to the 'Employee Evaluations' segment of the pages, Kira peering over his shoulder to get a look, curiosity besting him.

...So, is this what you thought about everyone?

"Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom, and has shown signs of starting to dig."

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. Note: Do not let Diego near fire."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"A room temperature I.Q. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"This employee is promising. Given time, he may earn his place here permanently, if he so wishes. It'll be four times the typical pay at his previous job, and that would just be the starting wage."

"Works well under constant supervision and set standards. Put with Kira."

"A prime candidate for natural de-selection. It's hard to believe he beat 1,000,000 other sperm. Note: Valentine hates refusal, and will push to get his way."

"This employee will go far-- And the sooner he starts, the better."

Some were good, some were bad... But at least Kira wasn't one of the many that were looked down upon. After all, even if he was, he wouldn't be foaming at the mouth like Kars.

"Hit rock bottom?" He read again to himself. "What the hell does that mean!?"

"Did you or did you not verbally abuse Doppio earlier for breaking a plate?" Kira said to him, despite already knowing the answer.

"That doesn't matter!"

"Didn't you laugh when a kid tripped on the pavement outside?"

"It was funny, who doesn't laugh when that happens?"

"I could've swore I watched you eat off a customers plate before handing it to them."

"It was a delivery fee."

Maybe you were right, and Kars really did have something wrong with him-- A horrible case of arrogant-bastard-itis. Honestly, his own ego's more inflated than a balloon ready to burst. Was it even possible for someone to be such a dick? Perhaps, as he's a prime example alongside Dio.

"Right then, let's get back to bed, if you've finished your snooping." Kira whispered, pulling at Kars' sleeve urgently. "Don't forget what tomorrow is."

"What? What's tomorrow?"

There was a subtlety to Kira's expression that answered Kars far better than anything that could've left his mouth. The two of them, he recognized, would need plenty of sleep for that big event happening the next day, and therefor, swiftly left the room without a sound, leaving you to snooze at your desk quietly.

The big event in question? Dio's attempted escape. Though everyone knew how that was going to end.