The Materialists | Book 1 + 2 ✔

20 | the truth

I wanted to spend every second of the day with her, but since I wasn't really hers, so it just hurts to be around her.

Why do emotions exist if half of them only hurt you?

Grabbing my keys from the counter, I glanced over to Mother who was cooking dinner in the kitchen. "I'm leaving," I said mindlessly.

Putting down the knife she was using to cut up vegetables, she frowned looking at me. "What about dinner? It's going to be ready soon."

I shrugged. "Not hungry," I mumbled, leaving through the door to the garage as quickly as possible to avoid any more questions.

Climbing into my black Mercedes, I just started up the engine. I had no idea where I was driving. I couldn't even get to school without navigation. I just started driving, taking random turns into whatever street looked most abandoned.

Sometimes, it seems like all Laura and I did was fight, but that was just near the end of the relationship when things with her family started getting really rough. When she'd take her anger out on anything and everyone. When I myself would spend my days getting pushed around by my so-called "friends" that just took me to parties trying to get me drunk or high. And sometimes it worked and end with some girl taking advantage of that and waking up in my bed the next day.

Laura only cheated twice. Even that sounds stupid. She only did it twice. But I never got mad because I knew she stayed around when I did too. It was like we were in a relationship together but only slept with other people. The first time it happened, she'd done it to get back at me. The second time, I had no idea what went down. But she never lied. She'd just show up at my house and tell me with a blank face that she slept with someone else.

I just wish nothing went wrong. And it stayed as perfect as it was the first year we dated. God, that year was the best of my entire life.

Laura was happy. Or as happy as she could be. She never really showed what she was feeling, always hiding it away. But I've never seen her smile as much as she did the first year we dated. We rarely fought. Ever. And when we did it was about something stupid we disagreed on and then we'd make up within a few days.

It was like we could never be apart, and when we were together we'd spend all our time laughing over something that was never really that funny or making out in her room. I still remember the hundreds of times I'd have to sneak past her bodyguards and climb in and out of her bedroom window. I think her parents knew I was sneaking in, but they never said anything. At least not to me.

Eventually, one day something just... fell out of place. Like the completed puzzle was thrown on the floor and everything just fell apart. For 2 weeks during the summer she ignored me. I don't know what happened or what I did. She'd just take hours to reply to any of my texts, ignore my calls and facetime. Just completely ghost me.

And when we returned to school, it was never the same. She'd spend all her time practicing any of her sports, studying for hours on end, or partying like never before. Every time I'd try to talk to her about it she'd cut me out, ghost me for a day, and then return as nothing happened.

That's when I started basically ruining the relationship even more too. I'd try to get her to tell me what was going on with her, she'd get mad, I'd get mad, we'd fight and then we'd ignore each other for a day. Instead of taking my anger out on her and telling her how I was actually feeling, I'd just go to a party and let my "friends" intoxicate me until I was throwing up in the bathroom.

Everything we'd built up the previous year just went down the drain. All the trust, love, care, all of it just destroyed. Crumbled into pieces. I broke up with her after a fight that had gotten pretty... physical. Not too bad. But she slapped me and I shoved her and it was just the worst thing ever because we were both drunk. 

And after that fight, it felt like nothing could be fixed between us. I still loved her, but I felt like ending things would be the right thing to do.

When I told her I was breaking up with her she just said "ok", with that same blank expression on her face. I never knew if she hated me, was sad about if she was happy about it. She just went along with the rest of her life until in the summer she packed up and moved. I don't think anyone knew she was leaving until the day before or the day of her move.

I don't know if I missed Laura. Or missed what we used to be. But I just hated seeing her because I still loved her, and I know I shouldn't because our relationship was anything but romantic. 

Just then, I passed a small bar. I was so far outside of town, I had been driving cluelessly for almost an hour. But the bar was empty besides a few cars. I shouldn't turn to drink whenever I'm like this, my past experiences have proved that. But anything that could drown out how I was feeling right now, seemed like the best option.

Quickly pulling into the lot, I let one single tear drip down my cheek, brushing it away and parking. Getting out, I wondered if Laura and I would ever be anything again.

The truth was Laura and I weren't meant to be together. Or maybe we were, and that summer someone or something just got in the way. And it hurt being with her sometimes, most of the time. But God, I'd give the world just to call her mine again.

Song Of The Chapter: falling - Harry Styles

Woahh what as gotten into me? A post every day for the past 3 days? That's crayz.

But this is it my dears. The truth about their terrible horrible toxic as fuck relationship :(

But this is not the end! If you guys think I just added Reece for some flavor you are greatly mistaken. Love triangles are my thing, I go crazy for love triangles. And this book must include one because it wouldn't be a Kujiis book WITHOUT one 😇

qotd: did this make u sad to read because this made me depressed to write :'(

Anywho, don't forget to vote and comment and so on and so forth,

Much love - Kujiis