Beautiful Mess (Book II)

Chapter twenty

Jess blinks at me for a few moments, and I hate seeing the disappointed look on her face. She never looked at me like that before.

"Why would you do that?" she demands, glaring at me with so much anger it makes me flinch. "You know how we feel about that woman! Are you crazy? How stupid--"

"Jess," Trevor warns, his hand still resting on Kyle's shoulder. "Let's not say things we'll regret later, okay?"

"Shut the fuck up!" she barks, throwing a glare his way. "The least you guys can do is try to understand how we feel! We don't want her back in our lives, we're doing perfectly fine. Even if we did decide to forgive her it's not your place to fucking invite her here!"

I know I'll end up crying if I argue with Jess right now, so I glance at Kyle one more time before looking back at her. "I'm late to school," I mumble and rush to escape. I hear Trevor calling my name as I shut the door behind me, but I don't look back.

I can't concentrate during my classes. As lunch time approaches, I'm determined to talk to Kyle no matter what. Nothing would get resolved if we don't talk to each other. I won't mind if he screams at me, anything's better than him giving me the silent treatment.

So as I walk into our apartment, I'm hoping with all my heart that he'd be there. And he is.

"Hey," I start, walking closer to the couch where he's sat watching TV.

He keeps staring at the screen with a blank face, but I don't give up yet.

"How was your first day? You started taking the course, right?" I ask him, standing a few feet away from the couch.

He continues to ignore me.

"Kyle."

He grabs the remote and starts to increase the volume, and that's the moment I finally snap.

I throw my bag onto the couch and snatch the remote out of his grasp, harshly pushing the mute button. "I can't take this anymore, talk to me!" I yell at him.

He stares at me blankly as I stand there breathing heavily.

"How much longer are you gonna keep this up? Are you gonna ignore me forever?!" I continue to yell. "I know what I did was wrong and I apologized to you! What else do you want me to do, huh? Just talk to me already!" My voice cracks towards the end and I desperately hold my tears back. God I hate crying.

"Talk to you?" Kyle repeats calmly. "What do you want me to say? I never thought you would do something like that, Rae. You knew the way I feel about her. It was hard for me to even see her at the funeral, but I willingly went to her house and talked to her just so I could find an answer about your parents case. Do you think that was easy for me? No, I fucking felt like dying when I walked into that house. And you just invited her into our home like she's some old friend or something. Did you think about how that would make me feel?"

Despite his calm tone, I can see the anger and hurt in his eyes. Taking a few steps forward, I sit next to him. I hold his hand, and I feel relived when he doesn't pull away.

"I'm really sorry, Kyle. I am. But you have to understand that I did it for you. When we walked out of that funeral I saw the state she was in and it broke my heart. I knew she wasn't the cold hearted woman you and Jess think she is. I know what she did was wrong and she does too, but she genuinely wants to start over with you guys. She loves you and she misses you. Please--"

He pulls his hand out of my grip and stands up, making me do the same. "So you're saying, she can come into our lives and walk away whenever she wants? She has the right to come and go as she pleases and we're supposed to welcome her with open arms? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?"

"I just- I really believe that your mom didn't really have a choice-"

"Oh here comes Saint Raelyn, always so understanding and empathetic even when she knows nothing about the person." He chuckles bitterly. "Nothing!" he yells, throwing his hands to the air.

I flinch slightly, but not because I feel threatened by him. But because he has a point. He has been bringing this up repeatedly, and we always brushed past it but I think it's time to actually talk about it now.

He continues before I can say anything, his voice much calmer now. "Have you ever even been wronged by anyone? Like really been wronged? Have you ever once in your life felt like you'd rather die than be near that person ever again? No you haven't. That's why you can't put yourself in my shoes. That's why you will never understand me no matter how hard you try."

All I can do is stare at him, too stunned to speak. His words hit harder than I had anticipated.

"Do you know why it cuts so deep when your own family member hurts you? It's because they're supposed to be the ones who know you- really know you, and if someone who's known you your whole life thinks you're a worthless piece of shit.. you start to believe them. Because who knows you more than they do?"

I shake my head, my eyes quickly tearing up. "Kyle, the way your parents treated you doesn't define who you-"

"You're so forgiving and trusting and you always see the good in people," he continues as if I hadn't spoken at all, his voice quiet. "If you had experienced half of what I've been through-" he cuts himself off, noticing the hurt in my eyes.

We stare at each other for a moment, neither of us daring to speak.

"I'm sorry for saying that, I didn't mean it," he says finally, running his hand down his face, looking so tired all of the sudden. "You're not kind because no one ever hurt you, you're kind because that's who you are. I know that. It's not right to compare my trauma to yours and invalidate every painful experience you've had to go through. But sometimes I feel like you don't really see me, Rae. You don't see things from my perspective. Why don't you try to do that sometimes?"

He walks away before I can respond, and I quickly follow him into our bedroom.

"Don't you believe in second chances?" I ask him quietly, and he pauses with his back turned to me. "When you left the mental hospital two years ago, we didn't see each other for months, remember? And when I got released too, you asked me if we could start over. We did, and we're still together aren't we? Do you regret starting over with me? If you don't, then why won't you give her a second chance too?"

He turns around, and the hesitation on his face gives me hope. "This isn't the same thing."

Closing the distance between us, I grab his shoulders. "Just give her a chance, Kyle. Please."

He looks down at me with a conflicted gaze, and I can't fight the urge to kiss him. I missed him so much in the past two days and I can't take it anymore. So I lean up and brush my lips against his, but he pulls away and walks past me.

I don't turn around, but I hear his footsteps as he walks out of the bedroom. The tears I was holding back rush to the surface of my eyes and I cover my face as I start to sob.

But then I hear his footsteps rush back to me and his hands wrap around my waist from behind. "I'm so sorry, don't cry," he mumbles, hugging me tighter. "I know you did it for me."

I sniff and turn around, hugging him back just as tight. "I'm sorry!" I wail. "I missed you so much."

He kisses the top of my head and rubs my back with his hand, soothing me. "It was killing me to stay away from you too. I'll never do this to you again. But promise me that you won't do something like that behind my back ever again."

"I promise." I sniff. "But you promise me something too." I continue as his hands pause on my back. "Promise me you'll fix things with her."

He's silent for a moment. But then he breathes out and says, "I can't promise things will be completely fine between me and her. But I promise you I'll try."

For now, that's more than enough. So I smile through my tears, relaxing into his hug.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A/N we hit 2k reads yesterday thank u all so much💙 and this book will have 30 chapters just like the first one so we're pretty close to the ending now! Love u guys for sticking this long😊