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I decided to go to a bar na hindi pa namin napupuntahan nila Jenny. Ayoko kasing makita nila ako na ganito. Ni hindi pa ko handang harapin sila dahil sa picture na kumakalat, ayokong magkaroon na naman sila ng bagong tanong kung bakit lugmok na lugmok ako ngayon.

I ordered a neat vodka--not chilled, no ice--dahil gusto kong maramdaman ang sakit ng pagguhit ng alak sa lalamunan ko. I want to feel physical pain dahil gusto kong mabaling ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Physical pain might hurt, but emotional pain can kill you.

I planned to drink until I drop, pero naantala yun ng may isang pamilyar na lalaking lumapit sa akin, "Hey, I've been looking for you."

Napakunot ang noo ko as I try to make out his face, pero hindi ko sya maalala.

Mukhang nakita nya ang confusion sa mukha ko dahil bigla na lang syang humawak sa puso nya tsaka umaktong nasasaktan, "Ouch. Am I that boring for you to forget me easily? You know what? I never forget you, so knowing that you have forgotten me that easily kinda hurts." Then, he laughed wholeheartedly.

Seeing him laugh is mesmerizing. Ang sarap nyang tignan. Yung pagtawa ng mata nya, yung pagbuka ng bibig nya, and the way he threw his head back to laugh heartily is just too thrilling to watch. He is a breath of fresh air in my depressing life.

He shook his head in mock disbelief, "Still don't remember me? Hmm... Mean fate." He grumpily said though it was more of a joke than being truly grumpy. "Anyway, I'm Luke. We already met, but, hell, you already forgot me. So, yeah, I'll have to introduce myself again. We met in Sauvage, a few months ago, but then somebody interrupted us and dragged you away from me. And then, I lost you so I kept going back there, with the hopes of meeting you again, but you never came back. Lucky me, we meet again, though it's kind of unexpected, because I never saw you here whenever I come here."

A small smile crept in my face as I remember what he's talking about, and at that moment I felt comfortable for the first time since meeting Tristan again, "Hindi ka din madaldal, no?"

He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, "Sorry..."

And for the first time, I laughed.

I was laughing my hearts out when I saw him looking at me softly. He looked at me as if my laugh is the most wonderful thing on earth, which made me feel awkward.

He smiled tenderly at me, "I heard you laugh, finally. You always look so gloomy when I see you. Don't get me wrong you're so beautiful, but you look better when you're happy."

I felt my smile froze in the air. This is the first time it hit me like a lightning bolt, it's been so long since I smiled and laughed genuinely. Sino ba namang mag-aakala na isnag estranghero pa ang makakagawa nun? Sinong mag-aakala na kung sino pa yung hindi mo kilala sya pa yung may gusto na makita kang masaya at kung sino pa yung taong minamahal mo ng sobra sya pa ang may gustong makita kang nasasaktan?

I smiled at him sincerely at that realization, "Ewan ko sa'yo!" Tapos humarap ako sa bar.

He took the seat beside me with a big smile plastered on his face, "Alam mo kung makikita kitang laging nakangiti, magiging worth it ang paghihirap kong mahanap ka. Aba, ilang buwan din yun, no? Ang hirap mo kayang hanapin."

"Wala naman kasing nagsabing hanapin mo ko."

He shrugged, "Anong magagawa ko, e hindi kita makalimutan?"

"Mukha mo! Hindi makalimutan, ka dyan? If I know kabi-kabila ang babae mo, paano mo pa ako maaalala?"

"You're just that extraordinary woman I can't get off my mind." He said looking at me straight in the eyes and I felt the sincerity of his words.

Warmth enveloped my heart, and for the first time since forever I felt special.

Right then and there, I decided to have him in my life--not as a special someone, but someone who will be there for me. Hinatid nya ako sa apartment ko, and the moment my back touched my bed I fell asleep.

Nung nagising ako, I felt extraordinarily better. I'm ready to face whatever it is today. No, hindi ko sasabihin kila Jenny ang totoong nangyayari, dahil mas mabuti na wala na lang silang alam. Ayoko silang magulo. And in my life the more people get involve, the messier it becomes.

Taas-noo akong pumasok sa school na parang walang nangyari. Ramdam ko pa rin ang bulungan at tingin ng mga tao sa akin pero pinilit kong balewalain yun. Umakto ako na parang wala akong nakikita. Nung nakarating ako sa classroom namin, diretso lang akong umupo sa upuan ko bago ko ipanasak ang earphones ko sa tenga ko.

At hindi na ko nagulat ng bigla na lang yung tanggalin ni Jenny sa gitna ng pakikinig ko. Tumingin ako sa kanya at nakita kong hindi sya nag-iisa, dahil sa likod nya ay ang buong grupo namin.

Ngumiti ako sa kanila bago ko sila sinenyasan na umupo. Ipinaligid nila sa akin ang mga upuan nila bago sila umupo at naghintay ng paliwanag ko.

Napailing ako, nag-iisip kung paano ko sisimulan ang sasabihin ko, "He's my ex. We happened in High School, but, just like you all know, we didn't last. We broke up, and he found Fritzie. End of story." Balewala kong sabi sa kanila.

Tumaas ang kilay ng mga babae sa sinabi ko habang halata naman ang hindi paniniwala ng mga lalaki, kaya napabuntong-hininga ako, "Fine... I didn't expect to meet him again. Matagal na kaming tapos, kaya hindi ko inakala na mayayanig nya pa rin ang mundo ko kapag nagkita kami. I don't know how that picture was captured, pero kung sasabihin ko sa inyo na photoshopped yun alam kong hindi kayo maniniwala dahil nakabasa ako ng article kanina na pinatingin na ang picture na yun sa expert para malaman kung photoshopped yun--and the expert said it wasn't. And yes, it wasn't. Totoo yung picture, nangyari yun nung nagbar tayo. Pero yun lang yun. Wala ng iba. Walang namamagitan sa amin ni Tristan, dahil natapos ng lahat sa halik na yun." I stopped for a while to let what I said sink in to them, "That kiss was nothing but a goodbye kiss." I said slowly, letting each word drag.

Lie. I never thought that lies would pass my mouth smoothly. I didn't even blink saying those things to them. At sa mga itsura nila, alam kong napaniwala ko sila sa kasinungalingan ko.

I felt a small pinch of guilt in my heart, but I ebbed it away. Desisyon ko 'to, kailangan ko 'tong panindigan.

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