My Last Hope

 

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That's where it all ended for me. As he walked away I was almost certain that he'd look back. So when I brought my gaze up and saw him open the gate, walk through and carry on till I could no longer see his figure in the distance, that's when it started to hurt. How could it be that this loving person could just leave me forever without a backwards glance? This beautiful boy, not only in looks but in personality, how could he just leave me like this? I knew he must have good reason, it was true that he had inflicted a lot of pain on me but that was only now, only now because he was leaving me. He'd never caused pain in me for long time we'd been together. I'd taken to him ever since I knew of his existence. I soon, maybe too soon, grew to love him and he had said he loved me too. But if he was in love with me, he wouldn't be able to do what he was doing, right? Wrong; he had never loved me. Each kiss, touch and affectionate word had all been a huge lie. Our perfect relationship was nothing but a scandal. It was hard to think that so I stopped thinking it because it may or may not be true and so I trekked inside, only to stare out the window, hoping to see a shadow of a figure I was so used to seeing that I could memorize every single feature, but no.. there was nothing or no-one, should I say?

 

                                             Two weeks later.

I stared out the window at the little green gate that he had walked through only a little time ago. I had many missed calls on my phone, many unseen messages but none were from him and I thought that good enough reason why I didn't call back or read a single one of said messages. Yes ,it had been three weeks and yet I still expected for him to contact me, to of left a sign, to come running back through that gate and declare his undying love for me. Deep down I knew that would never happen and that the chances were that I'd never see him again but the small shed of hope I was holding onto made me believe. My mother and father were still away on their six-week trip. I should of picked up the pieces in time for when they returned. As I stand there staring at the gate, I can't help but think that it isn't healthy to be like this. I push the thought back and continue playing with the locket he left with me so many months ago.

Friends had told me that when their boyfriends left them they were sad too but they got over it and that I would soon get over it but it was silly for them to even think about comparing their past relationships which were most likely just flings to the relationship that me and Jordan had. 

He was special and I was delicate and together we worked like mac and cheese. As cliché as that sounded I couldn't help but believe it was true, that I was right. We were meant for each other.

 

                          Three years later.

It's been three years since the last time I had seen his retreating figure. Three years since had to deal with heartbreak so horrendous I still had nightmares occasionally, three years since the day I felt my life had ended. I was a university student now and I had no time to dwell on the past. What's done is done, his gone, I should be able to deal with that and move on myself as he surely must of. Not only had I not been in a relationship of the sort since he left me, I had not had much of a social life. I had tried, honestly I did but many dates and reminders of him later, I couldn't put up with it, I had no interest in dating those guys in the first place. My friends put me up to it and to be polite I kindly accepted. I applied for a University far enough away from where I lived to have an excuse not to have to back till Summer, I had a whole year till I had to see my family or friends again. To be honest with you, that suited me fine. It was marvellous to be honest with you. I had made a small bunch of friends here and there but they were hardly friends, more acquaintances. It was the second day of my first year here and that's when I saw him.

I had never thought I'd see him again in my life and what was more is that he hadn't changed hardly. His dark-brown hair, which was almost black, was still the same shade, style and it still had the same shine to it. He had increased in height a lot but still stood only about six inches higher than me. His face looked more grown, older yet the same handsome boy I knew. I recognized him completely, but there had been one major change. The forest-green eyes that I had known to hold so many emotions; love, hope, fear, belief, worry and so much more, now held nothing. His eyes were so empty and cold, he was not holding the smile I had grown to love the fastest. I knew that three years apart could change a person but not as much of a change as this.

 

As his eyes met mine he showed no flash of reorganization soon to be covered, none of the love that I knew my eyes must be filled with, no in fact.. they held no reaction whatsoever and I felt myself wishing they held hate if anything, I found myself hoping that he was going to run towards me and hug me with such ferocity that I would forgive him for these last years of hell. I knew he had recognized me because his lips pulled down into the tiniest, almost unnoticeable of frowns, I knew he had seen me, his feelings for me I did not know. What did go un-noticed though is the fact that I'd be in the same school as the boy who had teared out my heart, stamped on it and then walked away.

 

I was determined to get some answers. I still loved him and with every bit of belief left in me I hoped that he stilled loved me just a touch.

 

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