Jegulus Oneshots

Regulus Black

The boy with black hair and eyes of steel had infiltrated James' thoughts.

A hard-fought battle—a battle, miserably lost.

It was so simple before.

Before Regulus Black haunted his thoughts. Before his dreams revolved around him.

Dreams of holding his hand. Of bashfully kissing him softly as if they had all the time in the world.

Dreams of cuddles and holidays spent together. Of stupid fights where James is always the first person to apologize, no matter if he was right or wrong.

Dreams where he finally lets down walls he didn't know he had. Where he stops pretending that the idea of war doesn't terrify him because he knows deep down that he can't save everyone. But he'll die trying. (If only he knew just how true that was, maybe he wouldn't have thought such morbid things.)

He walked through the castle in a daze, his heart eating away at him. He saw him everywhere. Flashes of black hair in the hallway. Fleeting steel-grey looks in the Great Hall.

It was never really him, though. Just his own imagination playing cruel tricks on him like the pranks he played on Snape.

When the others noticed his lack of ideas for pranks against the Slytherins and continuously asked what was wrong, James feigned ignorance, as if he didn't know what they meant.

Of course, Remus didn't believe a word he said. He was freakishly observant like that. (Or maybe James was oblivious as hell and Remus was normally observant when it came to his friends.) It didn't matter, James still feigned ignorance and, soon, Remus let him, tired of fighting him—stubborn arse that he was.

If Sirius noticed, he didn't say anything. For this, James was eternally grateful. For he knew he would break down the moment Sirius got suspicious. He couldn't hide it from his best mate.

And so, he continued to pine away for Lily, terrified the others would find out if he stopped. He didn't know what to do. He felt so very, very lost.

Whenever one of them caught him staring at the Marauder's Map looking for Regulus, he pretended he was searching for Lily or plotting a prank.

He fought it at first, mind you. Fought these foreign feelings for Regulus. Lily was very beautiful and her personality was astonishing, but she simply couldn't compare to the beauty that was Regulus Black.

He lied to himself for months that he was confused—he simply couldn't like Regulus Black. There was no way. He didn't swing that way. Not that he held anything against people who did. In fact, when it was told to him that Sirius and Remus were dating, he was their biggest fan. He was overjoyed to see his best mates happy for once.

Obviously, he knew they would accept him for liking boys as well as girls. That wasn't the problem. The problem is, the boy he likes is Sirius's little brother.

In the end, he lost this battle, he gave in and pined away endlessly for Regulus. He yearned to pull him into his arms and show him what love felt like. He was so, so scared he would give in and become a follower of the Dark Lord. He couldn't bear to lose him before he ever even knew him. He couldn't bear to lose him at all...

Slowly, ever so slowly, he was breaking. And, he feared, he may never be whole again.

Everyone always says to follow your heart, but he's always had trouble with that, though. Because, when your heart's in a million pieces, scattered across the globe, which piece do you follow? When you're so broken that you're numb to it all, how do you follow your nonexistent heart?

So, when Remus confronted him about how he was acting differently and about how he was concerned, he broke even more. He told him everything, begging Remus not to tell. And so he promised.

Months went by, his feelings hadn't faded. And, he wasn't sure they ever would. But at least it wasn't his burden to carry alone...
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[A/N]:
It's been a while since I've updated, it feels good. Feels like maybe I'm starting to be okay again.

This one is a tad short, but I have a lot more planned with it. Since people have been asking, I'm planning at least four parts.

Thank you all for you patience during my hiatus—I really appreciate it.

Again, I cannot thank you enough for reading. It means loads to me that people appreciate my writing. Really, thank you, guys.

I love you all!