Jegulus Oneshots

Who We Are

Regulus is the quiet, background character who doesn't get a lot of attention from anyone unless they're going to use him. Regulus is overlooked in the shadow of his Gryffindor brother, Sirius. Sirius was his protector who protected him from the evils of the world, from his parents, from himself. But now Sirius isn't there to protect him.

The only options he has are conform or resist. So he conforms and silently resists in the struggle for freedom. He lives without really living.

James is the loud, somewhat obnoxious, goofy, handsome person who hides his self-consciousness behind all of the arrogance and pranks and messing around.

He hides his true self behind his exterior of the mischief maker with no qualm for consequences. Sure, he has amazing parents and friends and has an easier life than many, but that doesn't mean he can't have self-confidence issues. He hides away behind the popularity and faked arrogance.

But when they're together, they can be themselves. James doesn't have to hide behind the walls he's constructed to feel masculine. With each other they can cry and be human...they don't always have to be strong.

Together, they feel free. Free to be themselves and to be goofy and to live without fear of the stigma that surrounds people like them, people who aren't "normal".

With James, Regulus feels like he can actually be loved and that he truly, actually deserves to be loved. He feels like maybe, just maybe, he doesn't have to be what his parents want him to be--a death eater.

Reg and Sirius have never known love. Their parents didn't show affection. They're wary of it--terrified even.

What if it's all fake?

What if Regulus is just the stereotypical Slytherin and James the stereotypical Gryffindor?

Just another hurdle for them to trip over?

Just another fallacy and fallback they have to face in their messed up life?

What if it's all one giant, elaborate prank--it is James Potter after all?

What if this is just another ploy to get Lily?

What if...what if...what if..?

When they're together, Reg is happy. He's never been truly happy before.

When they're together, James can let go of the walls he's holding up and can show Regulus that he loves him.

When they're apart, Regulus feels like he's drowning. He feels like he's in the water and the waves keep pushing him under, not allowing him any time to breathe before the next wave hits. He's drowning and everyone else is standing on land a few feet away screaming at him "Just swim! Just swim!" but he can't swim because he's weak, worthless, useless, sad, pathetic...it would all just be easier if he was dead...gone...

No one would miss him.

Right?

Without Regulus, James feels like there's a piece of him missing. He feels like part of his heart is gone. The more it tries to beat and keep him alive the weaker it gets.

When Regulus is home over break and James is at his house, they're thinking of each other and how much they miss each other.

When you're around someone every day and you're constantly talking and laughing and having fun, when they're gone it's like a knife to the gut that just keeps twisting and twisting and twisting--relentlessly twisting and twisting.

When you wake up next to someone and you can smile and be in the moment, truly happy with them and that all gets ripped away...it hurts.

When you feel safe enough to fall asleep knowing that someone is there for you when you wake up with a scream in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and need comfort that they will always be there and suddenly that person is gone, you realize you're alone...

No one is coming to save you.