FEEL IT TWICE

chapter 6 - breakfast & black chickens

Shawn let his fingers tremble over the keys, they knew their way around this music, he had played it so many times. He was deep in his thoughts, and even deeper in his feelings. He had awoken this morning to a warm tongue on his face but by the time he opened his eyes Hagrid was already out of the bed, waiting to be taken outside, so there was nothing except the flat, warm spot he had slept in between he and Camila. She lay curled up on her side, facing him, only a tiny lump beneath the blankets, her hair spread out behind her and tendrils curling about her face. He truly believed he could never get tired of looking at her. He had felt that way at sixteen, and he still felt that way, five years later. To be this close, and not be able to reach out and push that errant hair behind her ear, to awaken her with a kiss, it was a visceral ache and he was glad of Hagrid's impatience so he wasn't tempted to give in to the urges. As always when he was in pain, he had retreated into his music. He had simply been playing the instrumental but he felt the need to sing, perhaps just to exorcise the thoughts of her that haunted him. He finished the last word, played the last note, and sat in despair at the piano. He had been doing so well, the depression had lifted somewhat, he had stopped drinking, and the panic attacks had almost ceased. He sighed and stretched. He should go and wake her, make them both some breakfast. As if it had heard his thoughts, his stomach rumbled, making him smile and out of the corner of his eye he saw movement.

She stood on the other side of the glass staring at him. She wore an oversized buttoned up cardigan, her hair braided and hanging over one shoulder. His eyes met hers and it was like time stood still. He remembered that night when they had recorded "Last Summer", she had stood on the other side of the glass just like this. He had grinned at her then, feeling the lightness she brought to his heart, happily surrendering to the euphoria of falling in love. He felt that same thrill now, only it was darker, and deeper and edged with pain. He saw the same feelings reflected in her beautiful eyes. How were they going to survive this? He gave her a half smile and a small wave and she lifted a hand in response, a ghost of a smile wavering on her own lips. He stood to leave, sitting there was just delaying the inevitable. He had no idea how he was going to play this, or what would happen, and he had a pretty good idea that she didn't either, but whatever was going to happen, would happen. He might as well just get on with it.

She watched him walk to the door with her heart pounding. She had no idea what sort of reaction to expect so when he gave her a smile and said good morning, she felt all the muscles in her body relax. She smiled back.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, hands in pockets.

"Like a baby. It was very warm and cosy."

"Good."

"Thank you," she said tentatively. "I know I've already said it, but thank you for saving me Shawn, and Hagrid, I would have died out there soon."

"I know," he said with a serious expression. "The fates have other plans for you I guess."

"They have a very strange sense of humour," she smiled.

He shook his head, smiling back, but not meeting her eyes.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, looking up again.

"Starving!"

"Come on, let's go eat."

He opened the door to the walkway and they walked together, side by side. It was eerie, as there were windows all the way down and all that could be seen outside was solid white. It was claustrophobic and Camila tried not to look, moving swiftly. He kept up with her.

"You OK?" he asked, as they reached the little atrium.

"It's a bit scary," she admitted, wiping her sweating palms against her thighs.