Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter XII

In the train I get scolded again and am only off the hook once I promise to never change what I am saying again. That way the victory tour goes on. An orange dress in District 11, a red one in 10, a short tight one with differently coloured sequins in 8, a short green one with cutouts in 7, where I had an awesome time with Johanna, although the speech was horrendous. She told me that she liked how I spoke in District 12, but also advised me to keep up the act and play the game, using almost the exact words Haymitch used. In District 6, I wore a silver dress with many rows of beads as a skirt and in District 5 a dark blue one with a wide skirt and a triangle cutout to show cleavage.

All dresses are in some way revealing and I don't understand why. Why can't I wear the beautiful gowns that Mariann wore and why on earth can't I wear pants.

The night before arriving in District 4 I can't sleep. I am somewhat happy to see Finnick again, but I also dread seeing the family of the girl who I decapitated. I mean, how can I. I am sure they hate me, I would hate me, I already do.

Once again I seek refuge from bad thoughts in drawing. This time I draw the boy from 12, sketch a fox and the power lines from District Five. By the end of the night my hands are black from the charcoal and all the papers are filled.

Then the usual routine started. Breakfast, then memorizing cards, since Frensesia wanted me to be more fluent and natural, then a small lunch and getting ready.

Today my dress was blue and had little more than a bra covering my upper half, the rest was covered by a see-through mesh material, until a soft fabric started flowing to the ground from my lower waist. Two strands of hair are twisted to the back of my head and pinned into a small bun. My make-up is dramatic and my heels high.

As it is tradition, we are greeted by the victors of the District, in this case a smirking Finnick and Mags, one of the oldest victors alive. I greet her with a small smile and Finnick kisses my hand. I see the Cameras zoom in, loving Finnicks gesture. We walk to the car. I believe that the Capitol wants the victors to see the year's winner for the same reason the victory tour exists. To rub the death of their tributes into their faces and making sure they remember that they failed. But until now it didn't really work. The victors were nice, understanding and didn't blame me, or at least they didn't show it.

I am so tempted to bite my painted nails as I stand behind the doors, but know that my team wouldn't shut up about it the entire evening. So I wring my hands until the doors are opened. For a moment I stare into the distance, where I can glimpse a part of the beach, the waves crashing.

"Hello District 4. I feel very honored to be your guest tonight. I am sharing your sadness about the death of your tributes, but they died fighting bravely and we are still united, victors and fallen, in our purpose, in our sacrifice for Panem. I believe that everyone has a purpose and they fulfilled theirs. I fulfill mine. We are all part of something greater, a cogwheel in the nation that is Panem", I do my best to ignore the single person that is standing in front of Carleighs picture, trying to fight the sick feeling, the coldness.

"I believe that the Games brought us all peace, in death or victory."

I am handed white roses and I do my best to hide the nauseous feeling that washes over me. As soon as the doors are closed I throw the roses into the next trash can.

"Well well. United in our purpose aren't we...", Finnick mocks, but his eyes wander to the roses in the trash. "Stop it", I mumble, hating the speeches myself. "Still not a fan of white?", he asks, this time more gently, a little worried. "Won't ever be. It reminds me of the Snow, and well Snow."

My mentors and the Districts Major enter to lead us into the huge dining room.

We are served what I guess is seafood. I look at it somewhat confused. Finnick laughs. "This is lobster, these are clams and mussels, different fish and shrimp. You should try the crabcake as well."

I take something from each of the plates, but struggle with the mussels and once again Finnick laughs, even Mags and the Major smile. Finnicks gets me a piece of the lobster and advises me to take some of the rice as well as Sweet Chilli Sauce with it. But I don't understand how to eat lobster and it slides off my plate as I try to cut it and onto my dress and Finnick coughs on his crab cakes.

"Not funny!", I exclaim, but he just laughs and Mags taps my hand in sympathy. At least that is what I think. My dress is ruined and will have to change into something else as soon as Keaton sees it.

But I really like the food and for the first time since the Games really dig in. And when another plate is moved in I am already really full. But Finnick says that the Sushi is one of the best seafood meals. And he was right, it is delicious, but the green paste that they serve with it is way too spicy and I start coughing, tears forming in my eyes. And the whole table laughs. Once again. "Let's get you some milk dear", the major's wife says and sends one of the servants. I drink the whole glass, but it is not that much better. "Can I get some fresh air maybe?", I ask and Silas is about to protest but Mariann stops him.

"I am sure Finnick can show you out", she says and I get up, as does Finnick.

He leads me out the backdoor and towards a small path that gets more sandy and I realize that we are going to the beach. The only thing stopping my excitement is my still burning tongue.