Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter XXV

In the very early morning I am woken by a knocking on my door, but after my nightmares and only an hour of sleep I don't have enough energy to get up and snuggle deeper into the pillows.

"Come in", I groan and my favourite fishboy steps in.

"Finn?"

"The one and only. You wanted the events summed up, sooo. Your girl died, Katniss found out about Peeta. She is smart and knows how to survive, so until it comes to battle I believe she stands a good chance. She is looking for water at the moment. She gets a lot of screen time. The careers build a mined pyramid of supplies and are still hunting."

"Well, no big surprise there. Were you up all night?", I question and he nods.

I hesitate for a short time, but take a deep breath and move my blanket to the side.

"You can take a nap here if you want?", I say and Finnick looks at me surprised.

"Are you sure?" "Yes. It's only a nap, so..."

He smiles and lays down beside me, not touching me, which I am grateful for, because I would have freaked. I am good with Finnick, but not that good. Finnick falls asleep quickly and I catch myself staring at him. I don't know what we are now. We kissed, we told each other stuff we never told anybody, we comforted each other and now he sleeps in my bed. To some degree I want this to be real, but I am also scared that if somebody finds out, if Snow finds out, it will have consequences. But for now this isn't anything, well maybe it is. I sigh and turn around to stop staring and try to sleep some more.

I wake up with Finnick sitting against the headboard, reading my book.

"Hey sleepy head", he smiles softly and I smile right back.

"What time is it?"

"Around 8am, do you want to get breakfast out? The one brunch place offers special Hunger Games deals", he questions, slight disdain in his voice when saying the latter.

"Why not? It's not like I have to find sponsors and your girl is doing good and Mags probably makes smarter decisions anyways", I tease and he pouts and I giggle.

I throw back the covers and stumble towards the closet when I hear Finnick.

"You got a tattoo?", he questions and I look down to my hip that is revealed by my low hanging sweats and ridden up top.

"Yeah, it's just something small..."

"Can I...?",he questions and that throws me back to our hot tub roof encounter.

"Sure..."

He moves towards me and crunches down, looking at me for reassurance once more before tracing the wolves on my scars and follows each of the letters on my skin.

"This is...it's so...I love it", Finnick mutters, before standing up.

"You do?"

"Of course. Of course I do......Try again?"

"Well what doesn't kill me makes me stronger right?"

"It sure does", Finnick beams and leans in, slowly moving his arms around my waist, his eyes never leaving mine. He pulls me close and plants his lips on mine.

We stand like that for a long time, pulling each other closer until our bodies are pressed up against each other, until we have to catch our breaths.

"I adore you and everything about you and have adored you since the night on the roof. And I know that this isn't easy, but..uhm...will you be my girlfriend?"

I can't breathe and it is the first time that it is because it is something good.

"I...uh..I...I adore you too, I really do and yes I would love to be your girlfriend, but..what if Snow finds out, what about the Capitol people? It could turn out bad for us, for Annie, for my friend, because...well because people might stop wanting to pay for us. And believe me that I would love that, but..."

Finnick doesn't look sad.

"Then we keep it a secret if you would be willing to risk that. But I would understand it if you wouldn't", he offers and I consider that option.

"I...Can I think about it? It's just...I am scared and need time and that has nothing to do with you, what I said is what I meant and..."

"Love, take all the time you need. But brunch is still on right?", Finnick says softly, eyes still holding adoration.

I smile. "Of course it is. Let me get dressed and make a stop at the lounge to catch up with Johanna and the games and then eat?"

"Sounds like a plan. I am going to change as well. See you in the lounge", and with a quick kiss on the forehead, he is gone. I run my hand through my messy hair and sigh. Now I know what this is and now I am more scared than ever. Good God. He is so perfect and so kind and he likes me just the way I am, because somewhere we are both just broken and maybe we can help fix some of the cracks in our hearts, in our minds, maybe some broken parts fit together.