Querencia | Finnick Odair

Chapter 3

I stay in the Capitol another week, training with Melinda every day. Saying goodbye to Finnick was hard and full of tears, but he had a train to catch.

Melinda works me to the bone and from an awl to a spear, my katanas, bow and arrow, knives and daggers, axes, swords and tridents I can fight with everything. Bladed whips and a chakram also belong to the weapons we trained with. She presents me with daggers and a spear to train with at home and wishes me the best of luck.

I am currently on my way to the train station, a bag packed with weapons and some more workout clothes.

There are a few Capitol citizens that want an autograph which I give of course because I will need their support. But the ones that want to talk to me I ignore, holding my head high.

When I enter I am immediately engulfed in a tight hug.

"Penelope", I mumble

She hugs me even tighter and then looks at me with eyes that are filled with sorrow.

She knows that there is only a fifty-fifty chance. I know that there is no chance at all. I am going back. And she is my friend.

We sit in silence at the back of the train, I sketch and talk, she writes. I try and see if she understands sign language, but she doesn't. So we converse the usual way.

Once in 9, I pull the hood up to hide most of my face and hurry home. Good thing I did not get a cat after all.

I make a fire, even though the nights are not cold anymore. It gives me a sense of safety in the empty house. The warm light flickers as I make cinnamon rolls, the smell spreading throughout the house.

There is knocking at my front door just as I pull them out of the oven. To my big surprise, it is Mike, not Mariann.

"Mike. Come on in."

I know what he wants. It is only logic. He wants to ask me to volunteer for Mariann if she is reaped. And in his face, I see that it pains him to ask such thing of me.

"You just came back?", he asks.

"Yeah, I was in the Capitol until now. Want a drink?"

He nods and I take out some wine and bourbon. One glass of white wine for me, since I don't like the red one. Partly because of its colour. And a bourbon with ice for him.

"I assume you came here for a reason?", I say as we settle down in the seats in front of the fireplace.

"Yes. So, you heard the news, right?"

"Of course I did. Sending their victors in. If he can show that he can kill them, he can kill all. It's a smart move I have to give him that", I stop and take a sip of wine.

"I have to ask something of you. And I know that it is unfair because it could mean you signing your death sentence. And I am so sorry but...I hope that if it's time for the reaping...that you could...that you could take Marianns place", he doesn't look at me, but into the flames in front of us.

I nod slowly. "I will."

His head turns and he looks at me and I am quite sure I can see tears in his eyes.

"You will?"

"Of course. I could never leave your children without a mother. I love them. And Mariann would die, we both know that."

He lets out a long breath of relief.

"Thank you. So much. I...I never wanted to have to do this, but it's my family. I have to protect them and as much as you are part of that family by now, she is my wife. I am so sorry."

"The moment I saw it I knew what I had to do", I explain, drinking more of my wine.

"You are a great girl Talisa and I would have hoped that you could finally rest and live a happy life after you lost so much", he says.

"Thank you, Mike. It means a lot. Just please, make sure that they don't see me kill? Three years ago they probably don't remember much, especially not Theresa, but this time...they understand what is happening and I don't want them to see me with blood on my hands."

"I promise", he says, this time looking into my eyes.

"Well then. To the most exciting Hunger Games that have ever existed and may the odds be ever in my favour", I grin and empty my glass.

"On another note. How are things going here? Any revolts in my absence?"

He nods. "They set the mills on fire and there was a big demonstration the day the Quaterquell was announced. There are executions almost every day. There are strikes. But it never holds long and has been quiet for a week now."

"Good. I don't want people to get hurt. Without big weapons, there is nothing we can do at this time anyways."
I refill our glasses.

"How are you dealing with all of this? Silas had a fit, he also seems very angry with you."

"Yeah, I had to shut him out when he came to my place. I had business to take care of. I guess he didn't take it the best. I cried, I screamed and wished death upon the government but accepted the fact that I will probably die. And that I will die protecting my friends while fighting people who deserved better."

My grip on my glass tightens as I think back to all the people I killed in my first games.

"Whatever it is you do in the arena, you are not a bad person, not a monster Talisa. Mariann had lots of trouble accepting that and I would guess that it is even harder for you because you had to do more killing in order to survive. Don't be too hard on yourself."

We spend the night talking and eating cinnamon rolls. Sometime after midnight, Mike leaves and thanks me again, taking some of my baking with him and I take my canvas and the frame out on the balcony and start painting. I paint all of them.

Aspen and Shannon, Connor and Camile, Seba and Leati, Carleigh, Marcie, Malia, Mikeal, Miriam and Kaiden, Etan and Maxim. All of the children in my games.

And I feel lighter. As if some of the weight I feel on my shoulders was lifted, put onto the canvas in front of me.

I let it dry while putting more logs into the fire, then put it to the others. I see the picture I painted of Finnick and I. At the beach with children. And I throw it against the next wall, regretting it the same second. Luckily it didn't break. And then I cry. I am engaged and am going to die if there is no miracle happening sometime soon.

I curl up on the couch, heavy blankets covering me and fall asleep.