The Unexpected Path

Chapter 16 - Olivia

"I'm good," She laughs. "I think I'm just going to hang out here and finish my book."

"Okay. Don't wait up," I tell her. It's almost sunset and I'm likely to kill at least a couple of hours at the studio.

Grace heads back to her room and I quickly get changed into something more comfortable. Once I'm in my sweats, I grab my gym bag and phone and then I'm out the door. I stop at the dorm across from me and knock. Zack opens it a moment later.

"Hey, Liv," He sounds as tired as I feel.

"I was going to ask if you want to come to the dance studio with me but I'm going to guess you're not up for it."

His smile is apologetic. "Sorry. I just got in and I kind of want to knock out in a few."

"That's okay. Also, I didn't get the chance to ask you earlier but...are you okay?"

"I'm fine but what about you? Did this weekend fuck things up with you and Beck?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I haven't spoken to him since yesterday so it's anyone's guess. But I mean in general, Zack. You seem really down these days."

"I'm fine," He repeats a little too quickly. Damn it. He's lying. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Zack," I stop the closing door with my palm. "You know I'm here for you, right? And you can tell me anything."

"I know," His tone is softer this time and he ruffles my hair lightly and gives me a shove. "Get out of here, loser. Don't stay out too late."

"This conversation isn't over," I call out but he's already closed the door. Damn.

I put my headphones on as I make my way down the stairs and out of the building. The studio is a bit of a walk from here but I could use it. I pull my leather jacket tighter around me when the wind picks up, grateful that I put my hair in a bun in advance. Fall is definitely coming to an end and I'm not ready for the bleak winter days where everything is ten times more depressing. The few moments of sunshine are what I look forward to most during days where things seem bleak and unforgiving. This weekend comes to mind and I groan under my breath, wishing it never happened. I'm an asshole for thinking that but it's true — I wish things weren't the way they were. I wish I didn't have to constantly wonder what's going to happen to our families and if they'll be ripped apart. I wish I could stop thinking about Aunt Emily's cancer. I wish I could stop thinking about Lucas.

I was doing fine. I was. We hadn't talked in so long that I kind of got used to life without him. He wasn't at the forefront of my mind anymore and that allowed to move on with life and other relationships. I was doing my own thing and things were good. Then he came barreling back in, first with his apology and then holding me after so many years, and those simple and rare moments of his kindness have spun my world upside down all over again. That's the thing about Lucas — he has this way of making you forget the pain he's caused with just one touch of goodness.

I enter the dance studio, grateful that it's empty, and turn the lights on. I kick my shoes off and my socks don't make a single sound as I cross the room to hook my phone to the speakers. Music rises up and echoes, bouncing off the mirrored walls, and I smile, already feeling like I'm home. Dancing is my escape from the world. I don't think about anything else when I'm dancing. All I hear is the music, all I feel are my movements, and all I see is myself. It's just me and the space around me and how I swallow it up with my motions. I love focusing on the burn of my muscles as I use them and I love feeling my pulse race as I push myself to keep moving. It feels productive and rewarding. It's like food for my body because when I dance, I feel nourished and full.