Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 37 - Fighting for my Love

"Jesse! Jesse wait!" I heard Micah's voice call from behind me, as I raced down the stairs. But all I saw was red. For once, I didn't think, I didn't stop to listen to my friend, I just wanted to make the one person, who had hurt the love of my life the most, pay. I clenched my jaw, taking two steps at once, but what I underestimated was, how fast Micah actually was, because I had to stop as suddenly, his small hands clutched onto my arm, holding me back. I couldn't take another step without dragging his small figure with me. 

"Jesse please! I-I know you are angry, but please, j-just calm down for a moment" he pleaded and the tears of anger and frustration burned in my eyes, clouding my vision. I wanted to calm down and just stay here with him and Nathan, but just for once, I didn't want to listen to that little voice in my head, that told me to be the bigger person. I just wanted to see him pay. 

And to be honest...I wanted to pay myself. Because I was at fault too...he had to know it from somewhere, because you don't just assume something like that in this town. So either somebody had seen me and Mister White or had heard my confession to Mary-Jane. I was at fault and I too needed to feel the pain that Nathan was feeling right in that very moment. 

"Micah, please let go. I need to do this" I said through my clenched jaw, a tear unwillingly escaping my eye. Micah looked like he was lost of words and didn't know how to bring me back to my senses, but in that moment, my love limped towards the top of the stairs and started to quickly walk them down, most definitely hurting himself by doing so. 

"Jesse!" he called, trying to get me to stop as well, but my first instinct was to rush up to him and pick him up, so he wouldn't hurt his leg anymore. 

"Love! You are supposed to stay in bed for now! Your ankle isn't ok, you should rest" I exclaimed in worry and Nathan let some tears roll down his cheeks, as he held onto me, while his lip quivered. He looked at me with so much fear and pain in his eyes, knowing that I was not ok right now. I gently sat Nathan down on the step, so he could be sitting and resting, so he wouldn't have to use his foot or his shoulder too much. 

"Jesse, p-please don't go to him! I-I don't- please! It will only make it worse!" he exclaimed and I closed my eyes, trying not to let out a frustrated cry. I would never bring Nathan in trouble...again. Never. I had a plan and he wouldn't get hurt by me doing so. His father wouldn't like him any better, that was true, but at least he would pay a little bit. I wanted to kill him, but I knew I couldn't do that to my love, who, despite what had happened to him, still had a heart of gold and didn't wish his father anything bad. I admired that, but I just wasn't like him. I caressed Nathan's cheek, kneeling down on his hight, so he didn't have to stand up. 

"Nathan, darling, I love you...so so much and I-I'm-" I started, but a shaky sob escaped my lips. "I'm so so sorry I'm at fault here. And I know you will say otherwise, but lets face it. You would be perfectly healthy and happy if it wasn't for me and I-" I said, but this time, my angel cut me off. 

"No Jesse! I would not be happy and healthy, because I would be living a lie! I was so miserable before I had you in my life and don't you ever say I would be better off without you. Yes it's scary and very dangerous for us to be who we are! But I love you and if my father wouldn't have h-hurt me for that, he would have found a different reason to so! Maybe he wouldn't like the colour I was wearing that day or maybe someday, he would decide he hated me becoming a pastor! He is unpredictable a-and of course it was wrong what he did, but please, it wasn't your fault and trying to fight him won't resolve anything!" Nathan said and I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. 

"But it would show him, that he can't just treat you like this, just because you are his son! Nathan, I won't get you in trouble, I promise you that, but the only person he actually wanted to hurt was me, so that's what I will give him. I'm sorry love, I love you so so unbelievably much and please, don't be mad at me for doing this, but I just...I have to. For once...you can't stop me" I spoke, wiping away the tears, as Nathan released a whimper of fear. Fear for me and for his father as well. Or maybe just me. Or just his dad. I didn't know and it pained me to see him like this, but it was nothing compared to how he had entered school this morning.