Loving the sin (bxb)

Chapter 26 - My world, my love

Gently, my fingers traced over Nathan's brow, down his cheekbone, over his nose, his parted lips, chin and jaw, where my hand rested again, slowly pulling him closer. Nathan watched me as he slowly leaned in and I met him halfway, carefully pressing my lips against his pink and soft ones. Nathan leaned into the kiss, almost afraid if he'd move too fast and too far, he would break the spell and we would be apart again, hiding our feelings. 

I slowly pulled back and let my hand rest on his cheek, my thumb brushing over the soft skin, as I looked down at Nathan, who was laying on the pillows in the van, wrapped in one of the blankets and wearing one of my shirts, that I had left in the van, when it was too hot that day. His hair was still wet and hanging in blonde strings in front of his forehead and eyes, so I lifted my hand away from his cheek and gently brushed away the hair, making Nathan smile. 

"I love you" I smiled, staring into his blue eyes and losing myself in them. After Nathan had confessed his true feelings for me and broke there outside in the rain and in front of me, we kissed and it may have been the best moment of my entire life. Cross that, it definitely was the best moment of my life. I wanted to never ever let go, never break apart from him, but when I felt him shiver in my embrace, I gently pulled him into the van, where I had helped him out of his wet clothes, without looking, I'm a gentleman after all and wrapped him up in my shirt and some blankets. I didn't need them, I would survive simply through his love. 

Nathans smiled, as his soft and gentle hand reached up towards me, brushing over my wet hair. "Do you really?" he asked, almost scared for my answer. 

"Of course. I was always honest about my feelings. I loved you from the very beginning, you just wouldn't believe me" I chuckled and Nathan bit his lip. 

"You actually meant that?" he asked, sitting up slightly, so his back was leaning against the wall and I scooted closer to him, my hand finding his and carefully intertwining our fingers. Nathan seemed nervous, almost guilty, but I wanted to see him happy again. I watched as our fingers laid there together and how they matched so perfectly, that I thought about, how it was possible for us to have lived without this before? I glanced back at my love, that was looking at me with big eyes and I smiled. 

"Every time" I replied, leaning forward and gently pressing a kiss to his forehead. I wanted to kiss Nathan until the day I died. Every second, every breath of my life I could be spending just pressing my lips against his and I would have no regrets. But this was also so new, so fragile and apparently, what Nathan now needed more than anything, was my love. And that was a thing I had prepared months for him to finally receive. 

Nathan let my words sink in, as his gaze fell into his lap, watching our hands gently caress each other with the tips of our fingers. Was this too much for him? I wanted him to feel comfortable, to feel safe with me. I was afraid he would flee behind his mask again, even after he had confessed his love for me. Maybe I was studying him too intensely, but this time, I didn't want to be selfish and just go with the flow, no, I wanted to keep it at bay, so we wouldn't suddenly have a flood. So I didn't push him, I waited for my love to make a decision. Nathan bit his bottom lip, caressing the back of my hand with his other. 

"But how? How could you love me when I was nothing but a mess, still am. I have struggle at home, I struggle...with myself, obviously and accepting...who I am...I'm difficult and not love worthy. Why did you chose me?" Nathan asked, looking up at me, his big eyes showing fear and pain. I loosened my hand away from his, making him worry for a moment, before I brought it towards his face and gently caressed his cheek, calming him a little bit again. 

"Nathan, you captured my heart the moment I saw you, I didn't really stand a chance" I chuckled, making Nathans worry only increase. "But my angel, how can you think that you are not worthy of love? You deserve all the love in the world and yet I can only give you mine. I love you Nathan and you accepting who you are is just part of our journey. We will probably have more obstacles along the way than this one, but you know what keeps us going? Love. And that may be the cheesiest thing I have ever said, but I don't care, because its true. You ask me why I love you? Because you are perfect" I said, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss against Nathans temple.