Part 24 ( Goodbye! )

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Monica entered her small apartment. She locked the door and threw the keys, her phone and badge at a table next to the entrance. She took off her jacket and pistol belt and put it on the table.

She was feeling exhausted and tired after crying her eyes out on her way back in the car. She sighed deeply. She felt sad and sorry for her situation. Since that scene she saw in the port, she felt guilty as if she was the reason of what happen.

If she hadn't met him! If she hadn't called or talked to him, if she hadn't felt any feelings for him, all that would have never happened. She planed it all. She's the reason he's dead!

If she had arrested him that night in the party, he would not have died the next day. She kept thinking that it was her fault until she felt pain in her head. She held her head with both hands and stood there trying to take a breath to expel those thoughts.She felt that she should get some rest.

She was going to the bedroom through the hall passing front of the laptop.She pressed a button while she was crossing to light the screen. Immediately, an e-mail was shown on the screen and it was received the day before. And an audio message included with it.

The identity of the sender was not known, but she decided to hear it anyways. She pulled a chair and sat with her head on her palm, and then pressed PLAY.

" Hey, Mon! ... It's me. I know that probably right now you don't want to talk to me or see my face ever again but... I need to do this ... I'm so sorry. I didn't know that any of this would happen.

When i met you, i was ashamed of who i'm. I didn't want you to know how dirty my life was. And- And i didn't know that i would fall for you this fast. I did Mon! I- I fell for you.

I swear i didn't know who you were. And when i did, i wanted to tell you everything. I wanted to give up everything for you if you accepted to take and forgive me. Ross helped me out with this btw, he says it's possible.

I didn't want you to know this way, Mon. I didn't want you to get hurt, I'm sorry. I broke your heart i know, and i can't take back what i did. ... But i want you to know something. I'm done. Tomorrow, I'll leave this life forever ... Because of you. You made me a different man. You changed me.
Mon! ... No matter what happens tomorrow, I'll be the happiest man remembering all the times we spent together. All the nights We held each other. All the hugs and kisses. Everything.
I know i was lucky. And i know i made big mistakes that i'm welling to pay for anytime now. But no matter what happens i want you to know that i never, never deceived or played you. I want you to know that i loved you for real.

And if any of this would matter to you, I want you to know that i rather be dead than spending another day without you.
I wish i would've met you in a different situation.

Monica! Whatever happens tomorrow. I want you to know that, I love you ... And i will always do.

So please accept my apology. See you. "

...

Monica was sitting holding her knees to her chest and sobbing in silence while hearing his words. And with every honest word that Chandler said, she was crying more and more feeling like a hand was squeezing her heart in pain.

Unusually his voice sounded warm. It seemed clear that he did not know exactly what to say, but he was clearly saying what was in his heart. His voice cracked during the message , obviously he was trying to hold his tears back. But what was certain for her was that his voice sounded broken.

She didn't know how often she sat listening to his voice. How many times did she replayed the message without getting bored, resting her head on her arm on the table until she fell asleep from tiredness and pain.

***

Days passed when Monica preferred not to leave her apartment. She spent hours doing nothing but sleeping for long times and hearing that voice message over and over during the day leaving herself for depression and guilt.

She woke up to the rings of her cellphone. She looked around to the apartment felled with sunset lights. So she walked to where she left her phone.

She picked up her phone to find Ross's name on the screen. She hesitated to reply, but she finally decided to respond, despite her unwillingness to speak.

Monica : Yes?
Ross : Hey, Monica.
Monica : Hey, Ross.
Ross : I'm downstairs. Can i see you, now?
Monica : I'll be right down.

Monica ended the call and then she put on her jacket and looked at herself in the mirror next to the door to see that her eyes were swollen but she did not care, so she opened the door and went down to meet Ross.

Ross was leaning on his car when Monica approached him. Neither of them said anything, but when he saw her he understood what she was going through.

Ross opened his arms for her, so she got close to him and he hugged her.

Ross : I'm sorry.
Monica : You knew?
Ross : I did. I'm so sorry Mon.

Monica pulled away, then stood looking at him, and he stood with his hands in his pocket.

Monica : Where have you been?
Ross : I've been around.
Monica : You're not wanted? I think Joey snitched you out.
Ross : Yeah i know, But i made sure that there is no papers left to convicted me.
Monica : You played it right and safe ha?
Ross : I'm not proud of this. ... So It seems like Joey snitched everyone out, right?
Monica : He did yeah. I think he freaked out over the fact that he's facing death sentence now.
Ross : I didn't believe he would do that. ... And what about the girls Rachel and Phoebe? Are they facing jail too?
Monica : All i know that Rachel is going to a rehab while Phoebe is facing few months in jail, she worked with us tho.

Ross fell silent and looked at her while she was looking at the sky.

Ross fell silent and looked at her while she was looking at the sky

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Ross : What about you? You're staying?
Monica : Yeah. Where else i would go? I'm still an FBI agent and that's not going to change.

The sun had started to fade and New York sky looked beautiful colored in orange and pink.

And each of them stood nervously feeling a lot.

Monica : What about you?
Ross : Umm, Actually that's why i'm here. I'm leaving New York.
Monica : When?
Ross : Now.
Monica : That soon? Where you heading?
Ross : It's not that soon. I've should've done that years ago. I don't know yet where to. But I think i'm going to drive until i feel it's the right place where i could start over.
Monica : I think it's a good thing. Good for you. Even tho we're going to miss your name around here Mr. Estes. You were one of the beasts of New York lawyers.
Ross : I guess everything has to come to an end after all.
Monica : True.

Ross didn't like goodbyes moment at all. He always felt nervous in situations like this, so he stood there messing with the back of his head.

Ross : So? until i see you?
Monica : Until i see.

Monica approached him, kissing his cheek, then hugged him. Ross hugged her in return, then he turned and got in his car. He looked at her with a last look, and each had a small smile.

He waved to her, and she took a few steps back, then waved goodbye. Ross drove away, while she was watching his car until it disappeared.

She stood looking at sky hugging the horizon.She thought of the number of people she lost and the pain in her heart. Then she turned silently and entered the building without looking back again.

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