Falling For Paul Spector ("The Fall" Fanfiction)

Fight

Paul's POV

"How did you pay for this house?" Y/N asks.
"I saved money for a long time. Waited to spend it at the right time." I answer.
The house is large enough for at least four people. It's close to the beach, something Y/N always dreamed of.

"We'll start looking for a well-paid job right away, don't you think?" She laughs.
"We still have some time for that. We can get used to the new environment, relax and be together." I say.
She smiles and steps towards me. "I think that's a good idea." She says, wrapping her arms around my neck before kissing me.
"Are you going to show me our bedroom again?" She asks in between the kisses.

I want to but something stops me.
"Not now, okay?" I say as I take her hands off me.
"Why are you so distant?"
I sigh and roll my eyes. "I just need some time to get used to it."
"Okay well, get used to it as I explore the beach and bars." She says as she takes her coat.
"Don't go now." I say.
"Why not? Obviously you're not in the mood for my company."
I stand in front of the door before she can open it.

"It's not you okay? There's a lot on my mind. I've been through a lot in a short time and I've left a lot in Belfast."

"You're not the only one who left things behind Paul!"

"You don't understand. You didn't leave any children. No family."

"Oh so I didn't have anyone before you? Is that what you're saying?"
I see she's trying to hold back her tears.

"Of course not." I look at the floor and sigh. Maybe I should have put it in another way. But in the end, this is how I feel about it. I want nothing more than to start a new life with her. I love her. I want her with me. But now that everything is official, I need time to get used to the fact that I will probably never see my children again in real life. Never see them grow up. And it's my own damn fault. If only I could explain it to her. But for some reason I can't at this moment.

"Good. I'm going to take a walk along the beach." I step aside to let her through. "Come back before dark please?" I say as she walks out the door but I get no answer.