Autumn Leaves and Teenage Dreams

42. It's Autumn Again

It's autumn again. The air is growing cooler, the leaves are changing color, and it's the first morning I've left the house in my navy blue school sweater rather than just a polo. I am excited for the weather to change, already thinking of how pretty the trees will look as I walk home in the afternoons and the way the leaves will sound when they crunch under my feet. Not to mention, the coffee shop nearby is already selling hot apple cider. I consider getting some on the way home, but for now, there's a whole school day ahead.

Hazel has, of course, forgotten her sweatshirt, though Abigail has brought an extra just for that reason. We catch up on how our college applications and classes in are going. We're about four weeks into the semester, and things are already in full swing. It feels like I'm never able to stop and catch a breath these days, though I hope by the end of the semester, when college apps are all due, I'll feel a little more at ease.

It's when I get to my first class that I hear the whispering.

"Wasn't that the old president of the service club?" I hear a girl say quietly. My ears immediately listen in, but the girls are too far for me to hear all the details. I know for sure, however, they must be talking about Aurora. As for the reason why, I can't be certain, but I know I hear about her in passing more often today than any other day in school.

"I had no idea," I hear another girl say on the way to lunch. I want to ask why they're talking about Aurora, but I barely know the students speaking about her, and I feel it would be strange to ask, so I go about my day, wondering if my friends will have any knowledge at lunch.

Isabella decides to join us today, though she seems a bit flustered and annoyed.

"If I hear one more girl talking to me about Aurora Gray, I'm going to lose my shit," she says. I can tell she's bothered. Isabella rarely cusses, or rarely gets mad for the most part, so I have no idea what has caused her to become this frustrated.

"Oh, I heard about it, too," Juliet adds. "I guess she posted it on social media earlier this morning. Word gets out fast."

"I never would have known," Hazel adds.

"Um...what are we talking about?" I ask.

"You know Aurora Gray?" Hazel reminds me, as if I don't remember the girl I spent a few months kissing and yearning over.

"Callie knows her. She used to sit with Aurora and me at lunch sometimes," Isabella says.

"She came out as bi on social media this morning," Juliet explains. Abigail, who is known for not having social media, seems surprised by this, but no one is more surprised than me. I muted Aurora's page months ago, not wanting to know how happy she was without me, or if she was enjoying college life, or if she had gotten a boyfriend.

I am in shock. My first thoughts are maybe she has a girlfriend, and that's why she's posted it. Isabella is scrolling on her phone, and I quickly ask if I can see the post. It's an urgent tone, but not one that suggests Aurora's post pertains to me specifically. Judging by the fact that no one has said anything to me, I assume Aurora has made no mention of me.

Isabella hands me her phone. The post is minimal, and there's no other girl, I realize with relief. It's a simple picture of the bisexual flag, with the caption, "I think a lot of times we try to hide our identities at the cost of our happiness. It's easier to fit in than be discriminated. This is something I should've made known months ago, to many people, but I was too scared. So that's why I want to say it now. I'm bisexual. Unfollow me if you want, but I'm tired of hiding." Following are a few pride flag emojis, as well as some uplifting comments of support from her friends.

My mouth is hanging open. Because why did she decide to come out now? Why on social media? I would have killed to have kept my secret longer if Allison hadn't blurted it to the school. But Aurora has said it openly, to the entire world almost, and that's the fierceness I miss about her. Jealousy lingers too. I don't ask for Isabella's phone long enough to scroll through the comments, but I know they are mostly positive. I wish I had the same experience.