Autumn Leaves and Teenage Dreams

11. A Wandering Gaze

The lunchyard bustles with noise around noon. With only two days left until Thanksgiving break, all anyone can talk about is the short few days off of school after a long semester. The cafeteria line is out the door with the promise of fresh pumpkin pie being served, as well as some Thanksgiving classics. It takes Hazel and Abigail twenty minutes to even sit down with us.

As Hazel takes a bite of pie, I look up and grin.

"Was it worth it?" I ask.

Hazel grumbles and sets the pie aside. "No. My grandma makes better pie than this, Jesus."

"No taking the Lord's name in vain," Allison jokes.

"I'm Jewish," Hazel counters, which causes the whole group to erupt in laughter.

I sit comfortably in my small circle and take bites of my sandwich. I have not told my friends about my short excursion to Aurora's home. I don't know why I hesitate to tell them such details. For right now, I want to keep what Aurora and I have private for some reason. Sitting with my friends is comfortable. I feel where I'm meant to be. Being with Aurora is a different feeling. Positive still, but different. I don't want to comingle those two feelings just yet.

"Ugh, cuffing season is killing me," Hazel complains as she scrolls through her phone.

"Did Logan return your text?" Abigail asks, shifting her body slightly to see Hazel's phone.

"No, but he finally posted our Homecoming picture on Instagram. 'Had a fun night.' What kind of caption is that?!" she complains.

"He'll come around. You'll see," Juliet assures her.

I lean back and stretch my back, staring upward at the gray sky. I didn't bring an umbrella, which means if it rains today, I might ask for a ride home. Which would also mean that—

"You should make a move soon," Allison tells Hazel. "With prom coming up, you'll want a date."

"I know," Hazel pouts. "Why are men so difficult?"

Everyone lets out sighs of agreement, all except for me. I've become too occupied tapping my fingers against the cold cement and thinking about the weather report to sympathize with anyone.

"So, you'll take Logan, then, Hazel. I'll take Ryan, of course." Allison pauses, turning to look at the remainder of us who do not have planned dates for the spring. I watch her lock eyes with me, and I suddenly hold my hands out and shake them.

"Why are we talking about this now? Prom isn't until April," I say.

"Well, it's custom to have a date, that's all," Allison says. "And besides, you already turned Colton down, so I'm trying to think of who I could set you up with this time around."

"I don't need to be set-up," I argue.

"You'll find a date yourself?" Juliet asks. Now all eyes are turned on me.

"Well, I don't know about that. This is months away anyway. We don't need to talk about it now," I say. My fingernails are digging into my hand, I realize, as I stare away from the group. I'm not sure what it has been about sitting here lately, but a sense of annoyance always seems to creep up on me whenever the topic of boys is mentioned. Is there nothing else for us to talk about these days?

From what I can tell, Allison is still talking about prom, her attention now focused on Abigail and Juliet. I drown out their words and look away to a nearby table, where there is a set of familiar red curls. A sigh escapes my lips, and then I pause and stiffen my body. What am I even doing?

Before I can turn away, I notice Aurora's head turn toward me. Shit. She seems confused at first, but she smiles and gives a little wave, and I quickly turn, huffing to myself. I don't turn back around for fear she might still be staring.