Autumn Leaves and Teenage Dreams

9. Coconut

Laughter erupts from my bedroom late on a Saturday night. There are bits of popcorn and remnants of chocolate foil wrappers scattered across the carpet. Music echoes from the speaker on my dresser as the girls in my room catch their breath from the bout of laughter that has just occurred.

While Hazel, Allison, and Juliet clutch their stomachs and roll on the floor, Abigail is draped over the side of my bed, laughing to herself. Even I find myself chuckling some. It has been a while since we've all had a proper sleepover, and apparently, my turn to host was long overdue. Our last sleepover had been at the beginning of the school year, and it feels like it's been much too long since we've had a proper get-together.

The night appears to be nearly over. We've demolished a giant pizza, watched a movie, and have now moved onto the portion of the night where we're all starting to slowly lose our minds and devolve into pointless and somewhat deep conversation. However, this charade can't last much longer, and I know so when a knock echoes on my door.

My mother creaks the door open slightly and peeks her head through.

"Good night, girls. We're off to bed," she says, which I take to be a silent cue for the noise in my room to die down.

"Good night. We're going to bed soon," I promise as she slowly shuts the door. I wait until her footsteps are gone before another chorus of laughter erupts. I open my mouth, about to tell my friends it is probably time we quiet down when there's another knock against my door.

"Sorry, Mom, we'll quiet down!" I call, but when the door opens, Olivia is there. "What do you want?" I ask in an annoyed tone I would never use with my mother.

"Can I join?" she asks excitedly in her pajamas. She's leaning halfway into the doorway already, seemingly ready to take the last spot on the carpet for high school gossip.

"No. Weren't you and Oliver watching a movie downstairs?" I ask. Oliver had suggested the idea to sway Olivia from annoying me and my friends. Olivia, always the social butterfly, however, tends to enjoy crashing my get-togethers. It's as if she cannot stand to be alone when there's sound of laughter that she is not partaking in.

"He fell asleep," Olivia states. "So—"

"No," I answer.

"Aw, don't be such a mean big sister, Callie," Hazel says. She's lying on the floor, her hands neatly wrapped around her stomach, as she says this to me.

"Out," I command Olivia. "We're going to bed soon anyway."

"We are?" Abigail asks, lifting her head slightly to look at me.

"Yes," I repeat, shooing Olivia off with my hand gestures. She pouts and slams the door, her footsteps disappearing down the hallway.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you be so assertive," Allison comments.

"Only around my family," I say. Though I know even that is not completely true. My fingers grasp onto my bedsheets before I slowly smooth them out. "Let's clean up and start getting ready for bed," I suggest.

Everyone agrees, and within twenty minutes, only my lamp illuminates the room. Everyone else is spread out in their sleeping bags, quietly talking with one another. I stare up at the ceiling, listening as Allison begins talking about her boyfriend. The others girls are curious, practically scooting forward to hear more, though I zone out, not completely interested in Allison's love life. The idea of romance does not excite me like it used to. Two years ago, I may have been kneeling on the floor, scooting closer to hear better.

"And then...Ryan held me close and told me he loved me," I hear her whisper. I slowly turn on my side, facing my window rather than the rest of my friends.

"How romantic!" Hazel exclaims. A chorus of what sounds like hearts melting joins her.

The conversation begins to devolve into everyone speaking about their crushes and their hopes for their romantic lives, even though it makes more sense for us to talk about college and our future careers. When I was younger, I may have taken part in the conversation, but a part of me feels excluded or isolated from this discussion now. I feel I have nothing to contribute, and quite honestly, I'd rather talk about something else than relationships. Because every time the topic comes up, every time the girls begin speaking about a different Holy Spirit boy with just a slightly different haircut, I think of Isabella Sandoval's dark hair, the way that one dimple appears on her cheek when she smiles, how her fingernails were always painted a deep red last year. I shiver just thinking about it.

"Abigail, your turn," I hear Allison state.

"Ah, I don't have a crush on anyone right now," she says, which causes groans to echo in the room. No one seems to mind though, as this is usually the case, and the conversation seems to shift to Juliet now. From below me though, I hear a quiet voice.

"Are you okay?" Abigail asks, finally noticing how I've been silent the entirety of the conversation.

Apparently, she does not ask quietly enough, because the room suddenly grows silent, and I realize I am forced to take part in the conversation now. I slowly turn my body towards the others and give them a weak smile.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just tired," I say.

"Or in love," Hazel teases. "Come on, girl, where's the gossip at?"

"What do you mean? There's nothing to gossip about," I state, even if my heart is pounding. It's not like they would know. From what I know, no one suspects anything. I don't think I'm much of an open book to read. Clearly. Otherwise they wouldn't be consistently asking me which boy I like.

"Maybe you're regretting turning down Colton at the dance," Allison teases.

"No. I wasn't interested," I say.

"You're going to die alone with that attitude," Hazel says.

"She's just being a bit picky. It happens to all of us," Allison says. Her comment irks me. As if she would know what I'm going through. As if anyone in this room had a clue with what was going on. I find myself beginning to tremble now, and I burrow a bit more into my covers.

Strangely, I find myself craving Aurora's presence. I shut my eyes for a second, imagining that she's here laying on the ground. We're talking about nothing important. Nothing school-based, but also nothing that revolves around our romantic lives. Just some quiet, meaningless conversation that is calming at the same time. The room would be a lot quieter, and I would smell the coconut scent in her hair up from my bed. My eyes suddenly jolt open. Since when did I memorize the scent of Aurora's hair?

I find that everyone else is staring at me.

"Sorry, I think I just drifted off for a second," I say.

"Well, we'll get you a date for prom for sure," Allison promises.

"You don't need to," I murmur, but no one seems to listen. The conversation is starting to drift off. People are scrolling on their phones, and I'm pretty sure by Juliet's slow breathing that she's already asleep.

"Can I turn the light off?" I ask quietly.

When some nods and a few murmurs of agreement rise from the girls' throats, I turn the light off, shrouding the room in darkness with only a few phone lights illuminating the room. I shut my eyes, pretending that I'm alone in my room again with no friends to question my romantic life.

It's strange. I can almost smell coconut.