Autumn Leaves and Teenage Dreams

34. It's All Crashing Down

Allison is already sitting with Hazel and Abigail when I approach. Hazel feigns enthusiasm well. I wonder if she'd be interested in acting in any of the plays here at school. Hazel talks to Allison as if nothing is changed, as if she's not fuming over the fact that Allison let such a large secret slip. Abigail, meanwhile, is silent and looks as if she's about to sick when she sees me.

"Callie?" Allison says.

"Hey, my meeting got cancelled," I explain to Abigail and Hazel.

"You know, I have something I need to print," Allison murmurs. She begins to slowly rise, but Hazel's firm hand brings her back down.

"Aw, just stay for a few minutes. I still have another story to tell you," Hazel says before launching into some wildly made up story from her weekend.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I see Juliet, looking confusedly at all of us.

"I thought you had brownies?" Juliet asks.

"Ugh, some girls ambushed me for them my last period," I admit. "But take a seat for a second, I have something to say."

Allison goes quiet, and though Juliet could run at any time, she awkwardly takes a seat beside me. Hazel lets the conversation die, and the others stare at me. For a moment, I try to think of how to formulate what I'm about to say to them, but I realize whatever I think in my head won't translate well into speech, so I just start to let whatever words I can think of flow out of my mouth.

"I've been hearing rumors...about myself," I admit. "About stuff that was told in secret."

The others remain quiet.

"So?" Allison asks.

"I think I have reason to believe that one, or both, of you let it slip," I say a bit more forcefully, realizing I'm losing my calm faster than expected.

"What about Hazel and Abigail? You told them too," Allison states.

"I've known Hazel and Abigail for a much longer time, and I think I know them to be better, more trustworthy friends than the likes of you two," I growl. "Because ever since I spoke up, all you two have done is avoid me and treat me differently. So," I say, turning my body to Juliet. A fire shines in my eyes that I never quite knew I possessed. "Did you say anything to anyone?"

"I didn't," Juliet answers.

"Did you say anything to anyone?" I ask again, a little more aggressively.

"I swear, I didn't!" Juliet exclaims, waving her hands. "I-I know I've been distant. I'm sorry, Callie. This is weird for me. I don't know you that well, and to hear that...it threw me off. But I didn't tell anyone. I hoped you would think I was a better person than that, even if I've been distant."

I sigh. Either Juliet is a good liar, or I believe her. I never quite suspected Juliet to begin with, even with her distance. What she says is exactly what I expected her reasoning behind the distance to be.

"Fine. You can go," I say.

Juliet awkwardly stands up, brushes her skirt off, and leaves without any of the brownies I promised, but I rest a little easier knowing that she kept her mouth shut.

"What about you?" I say to Allison. "You've been dropping slightly homophobic remarks for months, so it's no surprise you treat me differently. And it wouldn't be a surprise if you were spreading rumors around either."

"So I let it slip to one or two people. What's the big deal?" Allison asks.

"You—" I nearly lunge myself at her before Abigail pulls me back with one arm. Hazel grabs my other arm, and though I struggle against them, I know it's best that I probably do stay back, or else this conversation is going to capture the attention of everyone in the area.

"You're a bitch," is all I manage to say to Allison.

"It's not that big of a deal," Allison murmurs.

"That wasn't your place to out me, Allison," I growl. "That's supposed to me my choice, and you ruined it for me. I'm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable or awkward. Believe me, you're the last girl I would have a crush on with your attitude."

I can tell I've hit a nerve in Allison. Her eye twitches in frustration, and she clears her throat.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't find myself supporting you. Besides, you owe a lot to me. Your Homecoming date, the social aspects of this group...I think a part of you has always been jealous of me."

I think maybe this is true...maybe when I just wanted to date a boy in order to ignore my sexuality, but I would never be jealous at this point of someone as cold-hearted as Allison. My friends are loosening their grips on my arm as I release a deep breath. I could just launch myself at her, pull at her hair, dig my nails into her skin, but I realize I'm bigger than that, that that's what something she would do.

"I don't want you around anymore. I don't want you to talk to me, or sit with me, or make eye contact with me in the halls. And if I hear you spreading anything else about me, I'll really let loose."

Allison lets out a huff of anger as she rises.

"Fine. I wasn't planning on spending much more time with you anyway. And if your other friends want to stay close to you, then good on them, but I don't need any of you. I have plenty of friends and a committed boyfriend," she says before stalking off.

There's a moment of silence, and I sit back and let out a deep sigh.

"Jesus, Callie, why'd you ever decide to be friends with her in the first place?" Hazel asks.

"I have no idea," I admit, but I feel relieved knowing that Allison will be out of my life now, and my friends seem pretty satisfied by this choice as well. And though I am relieved knowing Juliet was thankfully someone who chose to keep my secret, I am unsure if she'll be back. I have a feeling I scared her off for the rest of junior year.

I pray to not see Allison the rest of the day, but I still do. Luckily, she keeps her distance, and I keep mine. I come home from school that day still angered, which quickly captures the attention of Oliver.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

I direct him to my room, lest my mother overhear.

"You know Allison?" I ask.

Oliver nods.

"She's been outing me to people at school. I cut ties with her today, which I feel good about, but I'm still pissed off about it," I grumble.

"I'm sorry, Callie," Oliver says. "Girls are mean, huh?"

"I feel like I'm living a day in Olivia's life," I tease. "Though I wish this were just trivial middle school drama."

"What about you and Aurora?" Oliver asks quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Does anyone else know?" he wonders.

I shake my head. "I never told Allison. In fact, the only person I told was Abigail. Aurora was still nervous though. She's the one that heard the rumors about me to begin with, which is how I found out."

"How have you two been?" Oliver asks.

"Fine." There's not much else to say. It feels like Aurora and I don't see each other much these days. She cancelled on walking home with me to study, which is reasonable. We are getting deeper into April and closer to AP tests and finals. I feel like this is how it will be from this point forward, and onward into the future, because soon, Aurora will graduate.

My stomach is upset just at the thought of it.

"I guess I should get started on homework now. Thanks for listening," I murmur.