The Betas Alpha

Chapter 23

"Hi everyone, it's nice to meet each of you. I'm Mike, and I'm going to guess that one of you is Carson?" He said as he shook each of our hands.

"Uh, yeah, hi. I'm Carson, that's Sean, my dad," I said pointing to where he began to sit down as Mike walked around his desk to his seat, "and then that's Jay, uh my-"

"Best friend and mate, nice to meet you too," Jay finished for me with a proud smile. Mike smiled with a nod as he began logging into his computer.

"Likewise, when your dad called, he did let me know that I would be dealing with a werewolf, but that's all okay because, in the end, we're all the same in one way or another. My best friend growing up was a wolf, but we didn't end up becoming mates like the two of you seemingly have," Mike chuckled causing us all to laugh a bit and lose some of the tension in the room.

"So, Carson, I do have an understanding as to why you're here, but I would like to hear a bit from you in order to figure out where to get from where we are today, to where you want and need to be. If you would like, your dad and Jay can step out of the room and come back after we have a bit of a chat, or they can stay throughout the entire thing; it is completely up to you," and just like that, the anxiety returned full front. Mike had a reassuring smile on his face as I turned to look and Jay and my dad.

"T-they can stay, it's okay." Both of them were going to find out about everything eventually; it would be better if they did now rather than later. And logically, I knew they both just wanted to help in the end.

"Okay, sounds good. So when do you think the limiting of calories, or just food in general, first started? Did you start throwing up at the same time? Was there something that caused it that you are able to point out?" He asked before grabbing his keyboard out to make notes about what I was saying.

"Um, probably when I was about 14 or 15, I started watching what I was eating a lot more, but I didn't start making myself throw up until last year," I could smell the scent change of both my dad and Jay when I said that; both of their scents turned sour in sorrow, "My mom, well she was pretty abusive and it just kinda all came to a head with me hating how I looked; I thought I was fat and that nobody liked me and my mate would hate me because of it. She's out of the picture now, but there's still true to what she said, at least to myself." I could tell Jay was getting tense by the way his scent was turning bitter; he hated when I beat up on myself, even before we were mates.

"I'm sorry, did you feel like controlling what you ate was your was your way of controlling a situation you had no control in?" Mike was hitting the nail on the head here.

"Yeah, I guess." I never thought about it like that.

"What about exercising? You wrote that you work out about five times a week," He asked.

"I did, but that's going to be changing with new roles and such;  I was raised to be a beta for Jay, but now, I won't be taking over that position. So I guess I'm not training as much, but I mean, it's still something I want to keep up with. I just am going to have different responsibilities as pack luna," it still sounded so weird to say that; I could hear Issac purring at the thought, and when I looked at Jay, he was looking at me with a smile.

"Of course, working out it totally okay, but working out with the only focus is to lose weight is not. For now, I want you to limit how much you're exercising and keep it to low impact things such as yoga and some light swimming or walks. Going off your height and weight at the moment, you are in a dangerous position especially seeing as you'll be becoming luna, which, if I remember correctly, does cause some bodily changes for males, correct?" Mike asked as he typed away at his computer.

"Yeah, it's kinda like second puberty that probably would've been happening already under normal circumstances," that was true. Usually, when it comes to male lunas, they begin going through their changes in order to provide an heir as soon as possible; it was a natural bodily process when alphas found their mates.

"It's too be expected given the restrictions you've put on yourself. For females, they will often lose their period when limiting what they eat and putting their bodies into a calorie deficit. Right now, our main priority is getting you happy and healthy, everything else will fall into place after that." Mike looked up from his computer with a bright smile directed at all of us. The air in the room was still tense and I know Jay and my dad were both blaming themselves, and I hated myself for that; it wasn't their fault.

"Now, we're going to come up with a plan together for getting you back to eating properly. Know that it will get harder before it gets better, but it will get better. You seem to have a good support system which is always helpful." Looking over at my dad, he had a tight smile on his face, and I could tell he was hurt. I never talked to him about this and just let us grow apart. Jay looked sad but hopeful; always optimistic.

"I'll give you a plan to follow pretty rigidly at the beginning because overloading your body with too many calories can do more harm than good and set you back even more. I also want you to log everything you eat, there's an app on the sheet for that or you can write it down in a notebook, whichever you find easier. The first week is pretty light foods, just in order to allow your body to get used it having a regular diet again without causing too much stress. The second week begins to give some more variety along but the majority of the food is still pretty simple.

"I'll want to see you back here after about two weeks to talk and keep moving forward with everything as long as there are no setbacks. I want you to make note of any time you feel like throwing up or you do throw up. Because I know that thought will continue to be in your head for a while, right now is just the beginning of the journey to fix that though. Eating is good and shouldn't cause you pain to do; it fuels your body to do great things." Mike had a point, but I still only looked in the mirror and saw everything wrong with myself.

"Do any of you have questions? I know it can be a hard time for everyone," nobody said anything for a minute until I spoke up.

"So, after I gain weight I'll start going through all the changes?"

"Yes, well technically; given your weight at the moment and what you've told me so far, your body is in its natural fight or flight response. It needs to use the calories you currently have to keep you alive, so any changes aren't going to happen until your body naturally feels like it's in a better place physically. It's hard to determine when that will be exactly, but it should naturally happen. Rarely do things like period and puberty completely end due to eating disorders if they're fixed early enough." That gave both Jay and me some reassurance because I know he was wondering the same thing.

"Okay, thank you, really." With that, Mike printed off my eating schedule and went over it with me. He was right when he said the first week was rather simple and repetitive, but it was more than I ever eat anymore; this was going to be more of a challenge than I originally intended.

After he went over all the details with the three of us and gave me his personal number in case I needed something, I was scheduling my next appointment and heading out to my dad's car. Before I could get in, my dad was grabbing my arm and pulling me into a tight hug. I could feel tears hitting the top of my head as we stood still hugging each other. Hearing him cry made me start to tear up as well.

"I am so sorry. I should've noticed sooner; I feel horrible for not realizing how she treated you and made you feel about yourself," I've only seen my dad cry one other time in his life and that was when his mom passed away.

"Please don't apologize. I never told you so you couldn't have known." I was fully crying too at this point. I hated that he blamed himself for something he didn't even know about.

"Still," he started, pulling away to look at me, "I should've. I should've realized you weren't healthy and talked to you about it, and I want to work on that with you." He had a teary smile before kissing my forehead. I nodded with a smile and pulled away to wipe the tears off my face

Maybe this would be okay.

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