Butterfly [A Harry Styles Fanfiction] *COMPLETED WITH SEQUEl* {Book 1}

Chapter 15: The Things You're Afraid of

I began to wonder how I would depict my fear in an image and when I finally proceeded to begin, my hand stiffened once I brought my pencil to the paper.

I began drawing the outline of a large heart covering most of the page. Before I began shading it, I decided to erase the center and spit it into two, making it look as if it was being broken apart. I took my pencil and filled in the white with a medium grey. In random spots across the heart I drew in a band aid, some safety pins and stitches that had previously held this heart together. I surrounded the heart with a hand on either side, ripping it in two. I added multiple finishing touches and details and was proud of my outcome for only having two hours. This was my fear drawn out in black and white.

Love and being heartbroken, was the scariest thing I could imagine, something I wanted to avoid at all costs.

Harry wouldn't understand this and ultimately neither did I.

People got hurt all the time and they moved on and yet I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I was weak and ran scared from anything I cared about having the possibility of being taken away.

He wouldn't understand and I just had to move forward before I ended up hurting more than just myself with my crumbling resolve.

I could never make it work with him. Could I?

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Advanced drawing left me an emotional wreck. I had to fight the urge to burst out into tears when Professor Daniels complemented my piece. I never, and I mean never cried. What was wrong with me?

On top of that, I had a shift that I really wasn't looking forward to. My attitude was glum and I really just wanted to go home and hide from the world. I knew if I released all of the feelings I worked so hard to push down, they would consume me. They would make me feel them and drudge up everything that had led me into becoming this person.

Wallowing in self-pity, I did the worse thing for my current state.

I read the text messages I had received from Harry while I was on my way to work.

Cami?

Why are you ignoring me?

I don't get it.

I really didn't get it either. Why was this so god damn hard for me? Sure I had some parent issues, but who didn't? I had to stop letting my dad's lack of attention, and my mom's absence, keep me from living my life. I just didn't know where to start.

"Hey, you okay?" Niall asked, breaking my thoughts.

I had only been here for ten minutes and I had completely forgot I was at work at all. It was dead and I had let myself slip off into a daze. I yearned for it to be packed just for the distraction alone. Instead, Niall and I were the only two within the building and it thrusted me into a very unwanted internal battle within my subconscious.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I stammered.

Niall walked over to the table I was seated at and took the spot in front of me.

He looked curious and above all worried. He had never seen me like this, in fact no one had, other than Charli. I was always good at hiding my emotions, especially if I was in the middle of a shift. Today I seemed to forget how to do that. Instead of leaving everything in my sketchbook, I stupidly dragged that baggage with me, all the way to The Grind for Niall to witness.

"You sure? You seem a little off." I could tell he was treading lightly, not wanting to upset me.

I appreciated his concern but I really wouldn't know where to begin if I were to try and explain what was coursing through my mind in that moment.