Butterfly [A Harry Styles Fanfiction] *COMPLETED WITH SEQUEl* {Book 1}

Chapter 34: Numb

Cami's POV:

I was right to think the euphoria I'd felt this weekend would end as soon as I got home. I knew the perfect fantasy would feel like a dream once we'd left Catalina. I just didn't foresee that it would turn into a nightmare. I expected that one day I'd hear the news that she was finally gone, that she had moved on to a place that sounded much better than earth, I just didn't think this would be that day.

Numbness; the only word I could even think to attribute my feelings. I didn't feel the need to cry or break down, I felt completely and utterly numb to all things emotional.

Harry's eyes blazed with concern as he waited for me to react. Charli and Caleb both looked at each other in confusion, wondering if I had heard the news correctly. I could feel my boyfriend's grip on me tighten, prepared if I were to literally fall apart.

"When did it happen?" I asked, my voice more clear than I expected.

Charli sniffled, astonishment was clear on her face. She, and both boys in the room were looking at me as if I was some alien from Mars and not a girl who had just lost her mother.

"Uh, your dad called around four," Caleb answered.

"He said to call him as soon as you could," Charli finally added in.

Three sets of eyes were all on me, waiting for some sort of acknowledgment that this was real. I knew it was- I wasn't naive, I just didn't think losing a women I didn't even know deserved such theatrics. Apparently, I was the only one who saw it that way. Harry followed me into my room shortly after, not uttering a single word since we'd heard the news.

I rummaged through my purse for my cellphone, while Harry stood dumbfounded in front of me.

"Where is it?" I mumbled frustratedly when I couldn't locate the device after a minute or so.

Harry's large hands covered mine and stopped me from pursuing the hunt for my phone.

"Cami," he interrupted softly.

I peered up at him to see that same concern from before only intensified. I attempted to break out of his hold, but he only latched on tighter.

"Stop," he commanded lightly.

I surrendered and dropped both of my hands, letting my bag fall to the floor. Harry held my face in his hands, as he stared into my eyes. I could feel worry radiating off of him. I knew how anxious he was to see me explode. He knew me better than I knew myself sometimes and I knew he saw that this numbness was only temporary, and that's what I was afraid of.

I had finally decided I was moving on from everything her absence put me through. I'd said my goodbyes and let her go from holding a wall up within me. Yet here she was, bricks and hammer, ready to start from scratch to make this one unbreakable.

It was like every time I had taken a step forward, the world went against me and dealt me a curveball that put me five steps back.

Every time I'd say I was done with letting her or Jeremy get to me, they both somehow found a way to cause an earthquake throughout my life. I couldn't pick up the ruble anymore, the pieces of me they had fractured were always different and left worse scars. I knew if I let myself feel this, I wouldn't be able to come back from it the same Cami Harry loved, the same Cami I had come to love.

I could deal with the numb, empty feeling. At least that way it felt like I was feeling nothing at all. It was like being awake during surgery; you feel pressure and maybe some tingling, but nothing tangible. You were present and coherent for a painful experience, but you couldn't physically feel what it was like. I longed for it to remain that way and prayed Harry let it.