Butterfly [A Harry Styles Fanfiction] *COMPLETED WITH SEQUEl* {Book 1}

Chapter 53: Out Of Tears

Cami's POV:

I didn't know it was possible to be alive while you felt like you were barely breathing. I couldn't stop crying no matter how much I tried. I thought I would have run out of tears by the third day without Harry, but here I was twelve days later with a freefall of tears still going strong. It was everything piling up that made it all so much worse. Not only had Harry dumped me, Charli was moving out, I wanted to throw up every time I thought about what happened with Liam and to top it off, I'd been called constantly by everyone I was close to asking the same stupid questions like "Are you okay?" "Do you need something?" "Is there anything I can do?" The answer to all of those was a big f.ucking no. Obviously I wasn't okay, by any means and it angered me every time Charli or Niall or Caleb or Rachel or anyone asked me that. I wanted to scream "I am a f.ucking mess!" but it took everything in me to reply each time with a "Yes" or an "I will be". The truth was I didn't know if I ever would be. If I had to explain the feeling to anyone it would measure out to my mother's death, my father's betrayal and feeling like you had lost everything all wound up into one, times ten.

When I had lost my mother, it was to the memory I knew of her when I was a child. I didn't truly know her and although it was hard to accept the fact that she was gone, losing a man I had come to love was even harder. I had fresh memories with him burned into my head and into my heart. I had gone through some of the best times and worst with him in the last few months and it wasn't something I could ever forget. What felt like just days ago, we were happy and perfectly naive to what our relationship would succumb to in the near future. A couple weeks ago, I pictured what we would be like in a year from now. I wondered what plans we would make or what surprises Harry would plan. Knowing that I would never get one from him again made me cry even more.

I didn't even think you could call it crying anymore. It was much more than liquid falling from your eyes. It was a sinking feeling making my insides bleed out in agony. I wasn't just blubbering, it was whaling. I was struggling to breathe without feeling like I was about to empty my stomach.

Charli had been at my side almost every second of the day. She had held me, soothingly running her hands through my hair and trying to assure me that everything was going to be alright. But it wasn't, it couldn't. All I could say to her was "It won't," in between my whimpers and salty tears. I repeated it like a broken record.

"It won't."

It won't be alright without him.

It was then that I noticed Charli had started crying herself, a single tear running down the side of her cheek.

My pathetic life was bleeding into the lives of my friends and I had just become a burden. This whole year, all I had become was a plague to everyone around me, bringing them all with me in my downward spiral.

Why was I such a mess? What had I done to deserve so much pain in one year?

Before Harry, I was living a blissfully normal life, living in denial and convincing myself I was happy. I went on a date or two if I wanted to, but never let a guy get close enough to know me. When I met Harry, that all changed. He just couldn't let that happen. He couldn't leave me be in the bubble I was living in. A few weeks ago I would have said that was the best thing to ever happen to me. Today, it was the worst mistake he has ever made. All I have done was cause him pain and problems. He was looking for a simple relationship with a girl that wasn't as f.ucked up as me. Somehow he overlooked the baggage I came with and fought for me every time I tried to push him away. I bet he regretted that now.

The best parts of me had come from him. I was never happier with myself than in the time I had spent being Harry's girlfriend. I had never woken up so happy than the days I had woken up in his arms. I had never laughed, smiled, or loved so much as I had when Harry was the person making me do those things. I never realised how truly miserable I was until I met him. I was sleepwalking through life, focusing on school and work and friends. Not once did love ever come to mind on my list of priorities. Not once did I think I couldn't live without it or that I needed a man to make me happy. I still didn't need just any man, I needed Harry. He was everything- a best friend, a partner in crime, and the best boyfriend a girl could ask for.